Sunday, August 28, 2016

7 Powerful Habits of Smart Magnetic Women - How to Be Happy In Your Relationship
The definition of a habit is: “a consistent and regular pattern of behavior”. You can either create positive habits or negative habits, and once you start practicing them, they will eventually become an act that is unconscious. By harnessing the power of habit you can enjoy the life and relationship you really want.

In this article, I will share with you 7 powerful habits of smart magnetic women that will keep you feeling nurtured and vibrant with lots of love in your heart. Implement each of these habits in your relationship and start reconnecting with your partner.

7 Powerful Habits of Smart Magnetic Women - How to Be Happy In Your Relationship


Are these habits part of your daily life? Which ones do you need to adopt to create the life that delights you?

There is simply no way to create a deep intimate connection with your partner, if you don't prioritise your self-care.

If you don't have a habit of putting yourself first on your to-do list, then you probably feel resentful and depleted, or blame your partner for not giving you what you need.

This energy is not magnetic! And your partner won't be inspired to give you what you need if you appear resentful, demanding or needy.

So, what can you do about it?

Put first attention on yourself. Find out what you feel, and what you need. Fill your love tanks up. When we are nourished we are more relaxed. Also, when we are more relaxed, we have the ability to make a request, rather than blame.

Of course we know that there is a request behind every blame. But when we feel stressed and unloved, it might be really hard to make a request that inspires action. The resentment will sneak out, he'll sense it, and shut down. The energy behind your requests is crucial.

I invite you to take a stand for your life and practice extreme self-care. What makes your eyes shine? What fulfils you, and makes the stars fall out of your heart, and onto every passer-by?

There are seven fundamentals that are vital for women to fully enjoy life.

1. Movement

The 7 Habits of Smart Magnetic Women - Movement


To connect to our bodies, we need movement that brings us joy. Are you dancing, or practicing any other kind of movement that makes you feel excited, and ready to jump out of bed? Think of movement rather than exercise. The thought of exercise can be draining, and that is the opposite of what we need.

2. Healthy Diet

The 7 Habits of Smart Magnetic Women - Healthy Diet


Yes, Beautiful, yes. Healthy eating is important for love.

How is your diet? Sometimes nutritionists make it rather hard. In fact, it's pretty simple. Eat more raw greens, colourful veggies, and fruits. Buy as little as possible packaged food, and drink lots of pure water. Homemade food prepared with love, and joy can do miracles. Start eating more fruits, and sweet root vegetables, and you will have fewer cravings for sweets.

I invite you to become curious about your relationship with food, and start treating your body with love and respect, as if you are feeding your baby. Of course, you want to feed your baby the most nutritious food.

3. Sleep

The 7 Habits of Smart Magnetic Women - Sleep


We need rest. Sleep is so essential for us to feel sexy and loving. Don't underestimate its significance? They say that for our biological clock to be at its best, we need to go to sleep by ten at night, and get up by seven in the morning. This makes us feel thrilled about the new day, and more inclined to share our love with our man. Do you feel loving and sexy when you are tired? Make it a habit to go to bed by ten, in order to enjoy your dreams.

Sleep is far from a waste of time. It recharges our batteries, fills us up with patience and love, and allows our spirits to process each day's events in a gentle manner.

4. Spending Time with Girlfriends

The 7 Habits of Smart Magnetic Women - Spending Time with Girlfriends


It's amazing what the company of women can do for us. Have you tried a girls' weekend away? It can do wonders. We nourish each other, and we fill each other with sensual, calm, and nurturing energy. Finally, talking about our feelings without someone else, trying to solve the problem. What a miracle. Girlfriends are the best people to talk with, and unload our "stuff.". They listen, and know we just need to talk, and empty our heads. After we are nourished and cleansed, we have much more capacity to meet our men, and be ready for romance.

5. Time Alone and Spiritual Practice

The 7 Habits of Smart Magnetic Women - Time Alone and Spiritual Practice


How do you feel after spending time by yourself? With our busy lifestyles, we often forget how good it feels to spend time alone, and connect with ourselves.

We need to have alone time to centre ourselves, and check what is happening inside. We need time to distance ourselves from our life's everyday issues. We need time to see the bigger picture, to plug into the energy of the universe, and to sense the higher purpose of our lives.

6. Time with Nature

The 7 Habits of Smart Magnetic Women - Time with Nature


Fresh air heals our bodies, purifies us, and gives us so much energy. The sun energises us, increases our happiness hormones, and supplies our bodies with important vitamin D. The wind blows out destructive thoughts, and wakes up the sensuality of our skin.

7. Sensual Touch and Sex

"Sensory stimulation is a nutrient that the brain must have to develop and function normally."

~James Prescott
The 7 Habits of Smart Magnetic Women - Sensual Touch


Make a "touching date" with your man. It's better to agree that you won't go into sex. Just caress each other, feeling the skin, and awakening your senses. Choose whose turn is first to receive and indulge in the feelings without trying to give your touch, and love at the same time. Be totally selfish! Then, when it's your turn to give, fully give, and enjoy giving. If you touch each other at the same time, it diffuses the intensity, and doesn't give so much pleasure. Try to be in a completely giving or receiving mode. This can feel very vulnerable and exciting; so explore!

We need sex. It's not just about pleasure; it's important for our well-being, and full enjoyment of life.

So, by taking care of yourself, you will take care of your relationship. Not caring about yourself is selfish. You are less patient and have less to give.

Filling up your love tanks is one of the steps from my Re-ignite Your Love 7-Step System.

"I Feel Like I Was Given a New Life."

"I can't believe my relationship with my husband changed so much! We are again in love just like we were 20 years ago, but now this feels so much deeper. Wow! Where were you before, Tarisha? I feel like I was given a new life."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Tarisha_Tourok/1465801

Monday, August 15, 2016

Stop Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
From our early teens we all have our own idea of what love is; the one thing that is not in conflict is everyone begins searching for it. Is there a method to the madness of chasing something that for many seems elusive? Are you one of those people who always seem to feel you have somehow landed or fallen for the wrong person, leaving you on the hurting end of love? There are some guidelines that do more than make sense.

Stop Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places


1) If you don't want a partner who drinks or parties, don't go to a bar, nightclub or racy party to meet one. Confine your serious search to workplaces, local gatherings, restaurants and other random opportunities.

2) If cheaters don't appeal to you, refuse to be involved with anyone who is cheating on someone else to be with you. If you attempt to fool yourself into believing they love you too much to do that, understand that is what their current partner thought. Cheaters cheat.

3) Hate deceitful people? Don't gloss over untruthful statements your partner is inclined to make. They are not small white lies or offered for entertainment. They are lies. Liars lie. If you find yourself telling your friends your partner always tells you something that turns out to be less than truthful, you're dating a liar.

4) Feel like you are being treated like you are second class? Accepting behavior that is less than caring and respectful is construed as your agreement to be treated as less than the King or Queen you deserve to be in your relationship. Never accept the idea that you are lucky to have your partner and therefore will tolerate less than you deserve. No one belongs on a pedestal that high. Find someone who meets you on equal ground and loves who you are.

5) Don't settle for any long-term relationship with a person who is not capable and intent on seeing the very best in you and helping you see the same. Find someone you feel the same way about. Couples who uplift each other contribute to one another's happiness and create lasting relationships.

RELATED: How to Choose Your Partner and Build a Stronger Relationship


One last thing; if you pay attention to people they will tell you who they are. People often voice their own weaknesses by stating how much they hate that attribute in others. They hate the reflection of their own weakness projected back at them.

People who are mistrustful may be less than trustworthy. We all judge our expectations of others by what we would do in a similar situation. Want to know if they will lie, steal or cheat? Listen to their assessment of the behavior they expect from someone else in a situation that would promote those things!


To learn more about this author please visit http://www.arkconnect.com. To learn more about her available books, please visit http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alexa+keating+books or your favorite bookseller.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Alexa_Keating/1883665

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Choosing the Right Time to Say, "I Love You"
If love frightens you because you have been hurt in the past, or you are worried about making a commitment, just for a few moments put those fears aside. With a fearless heart ask yourself where you are. What is your heart telling you? You see when it comes to affairs of the heart it is always best to go with the "heart."

Choosing the Right Time to Say, "I Love You"


Often there are sensory cues long before a person can utter the words "I love you." Brilliant minds can push love away because they tend to intellectualize feelings rather than allowing the feelings to guide. I believe it is a theory of quantum physics that you cannot deeply desire that which is not deeply desiring you. Human magnetic fields are strong. There are silent cues that are constantly being transmitted by all living beings.

Some people call them "vibes" others see it as a state of attraction. Actually we transmit intrinsic data fields on scalar waves like music being played. These morphogenic field transmissions are inaudible but very powerful. Love is like a tidal wave that crashes over your soul and shakes the essence of you. It is undeniable and it is incredibly beautiful!

So if you are in love you absolutely know it. You think of your partner day and night, wonder what they are doing, what they are thinking, and you may find yourself pining for them. You may find that you can't eat, can't sleep well, or your thoughts continue to drift to a past moment that pleased you over and over again.

You can try to ignore this thing called love or you can act upon it by sharing it. Hiding your feelings of love is painful until it is finally expressed. When love is expressed, be it physically, mentally or emotionally, it allows a reciprocal flow of life energy back and forth, almost as if a revival of the spirit is taking place and old becomes new again.

So this wave of love continually washes over you on every level. You find yourself wanting to please your partner; you will find joy in their joy, pain in their pain, a freshness about life, and perhaps even a level of communication you have never experienced with anyone before. Love can be strong, it can be gentle, it can be a lapping wave that touches the shore on a constant basis or may come in at higher levels...ones you can even ride!

When is it the right time to tell someone that you have fallen in love with them? The right time is when you have sensed their love for you even if the words have not yet been spoken. Some individuals are more capable of verbal expression and others, and this is more often a male trait, best "say" I love you by physical expression such as in lovemaking. Sometimes it is best to say the words "I love you" as the entire being is engaging in the act of making love. However, please never ever use the act of sex to fool anyone into believing you love if you truly do not.

If you are holding hands and you look into your partner's eyes and there is love in his/her heart you will be able to sense the glow, and the even the fear of love. Yes, love can be frightening especially to someone who wasn't ready for love to appear. You may have just gotten out of one relationship, or you may have been deeply hurt by a former lover and so your protective shield goes up because your instinct is to run from harm. Whatever we resist may persist.

Younger people often equate sexual attraction and lust with love. Nature has a way of bringing people together because proliferation keeps the cycle of life going. That is why some men and women date many different people before actually experiencing true love. Those that are vibrant, the "animals" that would best further the herd can have great sexual drive and built in innate wisdom urging them to seek and proliferate. These individuals are not acting with moral constraints but rather by pure sexual drive and motivation---a sort of conquering effort like lions in the jungle. But one day their sexual prowess will transform from lust to love...all souls are actually seeking that one incredible life mate with whom they can share passionate love until the end of time.

Are you in love? If you are - there will be many perfect moments to say "I love you." Saying those three powerful words can be incredibly freeing for the body, mind and spirit. Love is a wonderful gift that should not be intellectualized; it should be cherished and savored. As you embrace love it will embrace you. Place no expectations on love...it is different for every human being. Men and women have different ready points and that is okay. Love is patient, it is kind, it is all that the Bible Verse says and more.

Three simple words have been the catalyst for more than one can imagine. Imagine what they will do for you.

How to know if you should say I love you:

  1. Does the thought of your lover constantly cross your mind?
  2. Have you felt that you do not want he/she to leave the circle of your life?
  3. Do you experience physical, emotional and mental states of "high" when you are with your partner?
  4. Has lovemaking moved to a new level - one beyond the act itself where you are engaging each other's spirits?
  5. Have you thought more about your lover's needs than your own? What pleases, what hurts?
  6. Do you wish that your lover would never think of being intimate with anyone else?
  7. Does time disappear when you hold one another? Are you dear friends?
  8. No matter what your age, have you craved intimacy that touches the depth of your lover?
  9. Is it easy for you to overlook little quirks about your partner?
  10. Is saying "I love you" happening in your mind silently when you are together?

The perfect time to say "I love you" is when you no longer wonder if you should say it. Wishing you a lifetime of love that thrills you to your core over and over again!


Janet Angel is a sought-after wellness expert with advanced degrees in nutritional biochemistry and psychology. She believes that everyone needs to educate themselves on the wellness opportunities available around the world. Dr. Angel has counseled many prominent citizens across the United States and has participated in several international research programs surrounding health. She is an Executive Board Member of AAD Founded by Stedman Graham. She has been a guest on many radio and TV programs, is a public speaker, author and seminar leader. Dr. Angel believes that the body has the innate abillity to heal itself in most circumstances, given the right environment, the right elements and the opportunity. For further information on her drive to help others reach their fullest potential, please go to http://www.Totallywell.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Janet_Angel/50101
How to Choose Your Partner and Build a Stronger Relationship
Finding the right person and building a relationship is the topic of the century. More and more people break up, divorce or find themselves lonely and disappointed by their partners.

How to Choose Your Partner and Build a Stronger Relationship


In my own journey I have tried to understand what have I overlooked. It turned to me that key and most common to a couple's success is the willingness to invest. Just like you take time to go through education, specialize in your job, learn a foreign language or raise a child, a couple is no different. Requires effort to build it and constant attention and interest for your beloved one. Here is what to look for in broad lines and 3 categories.

Firstly, at the beginning, you need to look for some common grounds related to life in general. Mind for similar level of education and career aspirations, choice of geographical location, desire for long-term relationship or building a family. Same applies for lifestyle expectations, religion and values or sexual compatibility.

Secondly, watch for deal-breakers: vices, infidelity, abuse, immaturity, 3rd party intervention, self and self-worth insecurities, care for appearance and cleanliness. As you dive into the relationship, recheck for point 1 above: religion and upbringing differences, long distance, significant income differences, money interests or money or fame greed, another family, interest for personal development.

Thirdly, if you feel comfortable that the above criteria does not raise major issue, then, it is worthwhile paying a closer attention to building your partnership at a stronger level. Perhaps you have already been doing so, which is great, this will therefore only raise your awareness.

  1. Build each other's confidence, treat with trust and respect
  2. Support individual projects for further personal growth and sharing
  3. Ensure time together for common passions and hobbies
  4. Practice positivity, patience and whatever you do, do it with good intentions and love
  5. Increase your level of presence and embody two-way communication (when in conflict talk about facts and your feelings without throwing arrows at the other person)

As the relationship advances and years pass, perhaps remind yourself to:

  1. Make sure you stay in touch: hug, kiss, write, talk, plan for connection and intimate moments
  2. Realign your priorities, interests and vision for success (avoids unmet expectations)
  3. Don't get lost in roles (parent, child or toxic relationships; you are an adult for your couple) or lose identity (do only things that other wants and not take care of self)
  4. Practice healthy communication (positive feed-back, allow SARAH, conflict resolution)
  5. Don't get caught in thoughts, worries and material possessions, but take life with ease and be in the flow. That will bring security and joy in a natural way

How do you know he or she is the right ''one'' for you?

If all things in the right direction, you feel it. Your intuition tells you. You effortlessly flow in the same direction, you dream together, you do not care what others think or say. Your partner is your friend, lover and confident and you grow together. In a partnership fears are waived, feelings are not guessed but shared, disapproval will be done from equality. You are comfortable together and you want to be part of each other's activities even if they don't seem extremely special. Doing nothing is wonderful together. You are joyful, energized and passionate. Conversations unwind, you laugh at each other without hearting feelings and you don't feel an urge to control what the other is doing.

Depending on your stage in life and personal agenda, above may or may not apply. You may wish to decide for yourself what is the criteria that matters at every step. Make your own list of ''musts'' and ''deal-breakers''. Whilst picturing it, you may come to realize lots of things about what is important to you, what really matters in your relationships and what are the things that you could never come to terms with. Generic recipes don't work for everybody. They are meant to kick the process of self-discovery, investigation and personal development.

The journey is your destination and it's not easy or straight forward. If you do find yourself in a moment or situation where you would like to talk about any of the above, please contact me at camelia@cameliamihai.ch


I am specialized and certified in Personal and Professional Coaching and have been working in the multinational world for over 10 years in finance and management. Due to my education abroad I speak fluent English, French and Romanian. Visit the additional resources at https://cameliamihai.ch or contact me at camelia@cameliamihai.ch for a discovery coaching session. I will help you unlock the best version of yourself and get where you want to be!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Camelia_Mihai/2312519

Friday, August 5, 2016

Is It Love? Is It Abuse? Is It Neediness?
They met at the workplace and began dating. A few months later he moved in with her, to her own place. As a divorced man, having owned no property (he never told her whether he ever had one and whether he left it to his ex), he was happy for not having to extend a contract on a leased apartment.

Is It Love? Is It Abuse? Is It Neediness?


So far so good: They were "in love". They dreamt about life together, "until death will do us part". They enjoyed coming back home after work, sitting on the bench, looking at the sunset, eating dinner together, with a good bottle of wine, night after night, as if they have done it for decades.

... And time went by. And they gotten used to each other - whatever "used" means. And they got accustomed to life's routine, life's structure together.

And then one day, out of the blue (or was it a stormy day?) he asked her if it will be o.k. that he'll bring his adult son to live with them; he is 20, unemployed at the moment. Would she mind?

We don't know whether she minded or not. We can believe that, in all probability, she didn't mind. After all, who will mind when there is such a great love between them? And besides, what's love after all, if not coming towards your partner, accommodating his needs and requests?

So the 20 year old son moved in with them.

So far so good: She felt like a stepmother (even though she wasn't much too older than the boy. But, alas, not having children of hers, why not "pretend" and play "as if" he was her child? And besides, what shouldn't she do for her partner?)

You would have thought that the story ended here. But no: The end is yet to come.

Some months went by; the son was still living at her home (claiming that "as soon as he finds a job he will rent his own place"). She felt somewhat betrayed, cheated, but said nothing. After all, why rock the boat? Why take the chance that her partner will get angry at her? This is exactly what she doesn't need, that he will get angry at her, and God forbid: he might even leave her!

So she said nothing (maybe now is the time to mention that she and her partner have seldom, if at all, communicated openly about issues. After all, as a "man", he didn't talk much. And being who she was, she didn't encourage him to share. How they spent their evenings together looking at the sunset is unknown; apparently in silence).

Yet, everything seemed to be going "smoothly". In silence, with not much communication, but smoothly (whatever that means).

But then one day - as it often happens - sitting by herself on the bench drinking wine (did she know why he was late coming home that day?), it finally downed on her - how did it happen now and not earlier is a riddle - that she is the one paying for all household expenses, for herself, for him, for his son: for all three of them!

Oh God! She cried within herself, how didn't I notice it before? How could I be so stupid? Have I been taken for the ride? She asked herself; has he been taking advantage of me?

These thoughts shocked her. NO, this is not the way she wants to think about him; this is not the way she wants to think about their relationship.

Could it be that until now she hasn't paid attention to these issues out of the "enormous love" she felt towards him? Could it be that she was still driven by the early promise they made to each other when he first moved in with her that "what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine", neglecting to see that except for "so much love" he contributed nothing?

We don't know. It is almost impossible to know what's going on in one's head, especially in the head of someone who is willing to sacrifice herself "at the altar of a relationship"; who is willing to be taken advantage of "for the sake of love", just so that she won't be left alone.

Was she aware of the fears and needs that controlled her?

We don't know. People are often subjective when thinking about themselves as well as about the relationship they are having. Many behave one way or another based on fears and needs which control them and drive them to self-sabotage and self-sacrifice themselves.

In addition, many often refuse to acknowledge this to be the case; often, they find a thousand and one excuses to justify to themselves why they behave the way they do, why they tolerate their situation. Often, they get angry at whoever attempts to shake them off their perception of reality and show them the true nature of their relationship.

So we don't know what was going on in her head; what other thoughts were running there, back and forth, while she was sitting on the bench, drinking her wine, waiting for her partner to come home; we don't know whether she contemplated what to tell him; whether to confront him. We don't know whether she thought to herself "enough is enough!" and whether she felt ashamed of being taken for the ride for so long.

... or whether she re-affirmed to herself that she is a loving person; and that he loves her - in his own way - and that their relationship is "just fine"; maybe not terrific, but better than being alone.

I don't know.

But if, by any chance, you know, please tell me:

Is it love? Is it abuse? Is it neediness?


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Doron_Gil,_Ph.D./742948

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Relationships: Do Some People Get Back With Their Ex In Order To Avoid How They Feel?
When a relationship comes to an end, one can experience a sense of relief, and this can mean that they won't feel the need to get back together with the person they were with. Even so, this doesn't mean that the other person is having the same experience.

As a result, they can try and revive the relationship, and one could start to wonder when they are going to move on. One could feel as though they have outgrown each other, and there will then be no reason for them to get back together.

Relationships: Do Some People Get Back With Their Ex In Order To Avoid How They Feel?


Abuse

If this isn't the case, there is the chance that the relationship was abusive, and then this will show that one is doing the right thing. The person they have left is not going to be healthy and it will be in their best interest to keep them out of their life.

Through spending time with them, they will know how destructive they are. What this will show is that one is no longer willing to tolerate their bad behaviour, and that they have changed.

The Other Person

If person they were with does try to revive the relationship, they could remind them of all the good times that they shared together. During this time, they could talk about how it would be a shame for them to throw away what they have created.

Thus, they could send them texts and call them, and they may even end up turning up where they live. Along with this, they could even send one flowers and/or chocolates, for instance.

One Step Further

What they do can all depend on what their financial situation is, but then again, this might not matter. If they were in a position where they had plenty of money, they might offer to take them on holiday.

This could then be seen as a time where it will be possible for one see how they are meant to be together. Or they could offer to take them to a restaurant that they always used to go to, and this will be seen as somewhere that will get them back on track.

Another Approach

However, if this approach doesn't work, they might try to manipulate one into getting back together with them. This could be a time where they will say that they won't find someone as good as them, or that they will soon realise what they have lost.

There is the chance that this is something that will happen straight away if they were with someone who was abusive. They could believe that one is weak, and that they will be able to get them to come back through treating them how they did before.

Relationships: Do Some People Get Back With Their Ex In Order To Avoid How They Feel


Focus

It is then going to be important for them to stand their ground, and to focus on why they left them in the first place. If they have left them because they have grown apart, then there will be no reason for them to change their mind.

This is also going to be the case if they were with someone who was abusive. Yet if one does feel a pull to go back with them, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for support.

Emotional Regulation

Having said that, one could leave a relationship that is not having a positive effect on their life and then before long, they could get back together with them. They could spend a few days or even weeks apart, or it could be even longer.

When this happens, one could find that they start to feel better, but then as time passes, they could soon return to how they felt when they were with them before. What this is likely to show is that one went back with them to change how they feel.

Overwhelmed

If one was to reflect on how they felt when they left the relationship, they could find that they felt as though they couldn't handle life. This could have been a time when they felt abandoned.

Due to how they felt, it wouldn't have been possible for them to pay attention to their true needs. It could be said that it would have been a time when it felt like their survival was under threat, and this then stopped them from being able to think clearly.

Powerless

It then won't matter if they want to leave the relationship, as they will feel as though they have no control over their life. They can either stay with someone they don't want to be with, or they can leave them and end up feeling overwhelmed.

This doesn't mean that one won't leave them again though, but it could only be a matter of time before they return. When this happens, it could be because one has emotionally settled down, and then once they leave, they will soon come into contact with how they felt the last time they left them.

A New Experience

In order for one to leave their partner and for them to stay away, it will be necessary for them to change what is taking place within them. Unless this takes place, they will continue to experience life in the same way.

If one does feel abandoned when they leave a relationship, it could be due to what took place during their younger years (or what didn't take place). Perhaps one was neglected during these years, and although time has passed, the past is still defining their life.

In Control

On one level, one will want to be with someone who is right for them, and at a deeper level, they will want to do everything they can to avoid being by themselves. The reason that what is taking place at a deeper level is in control of their life is because it is the strongest part.

Awareness

But regardless what one has been through up until this point, it is possible for them to change their circumstances. For this to take place, the pain that is within them will need to be processed, and this can be done with the assistance of a therapist.


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Oliver_JR_Cooper/818466

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Do You Know What Controls You and Kills Your Relationship (S)?
SHE


  • Friends told her, repeatedly, that she shouldn't even try to develop a relationship with someone she meets at her work - place.
  • She felt alone and lonely, insecure in initiating anything with anyone, always hoping that "the day will come and someone will ask me out".
  • Yet she found comfort and peace reading books, going to museums (alone!) and paint a little when the muse presented herself.
  • Research shows that many love-affairs happen in the work-place.


Do You Know What Controls You and Kills Your Relationship (S)?


"Falling in live"

... and then one day, unexpectedly, she sat in the cafeteria across from someone she has seen a few times in the corridors, but has never spoken with until now.

"You have beautiful eyes," he said, as if out of the blue.

She blushed, didn't know how to respond.

... and then, somehow, they began a conversation.

... and then, somehow, they began dating.

... and then, somehow, he told her he has just left his wife.

... and then, as

if by passing, he suggested they move in together. Meaning, "is it possible for him to move in with her?"

She blushed, didn't know how to respond, feeling somewhat awkward having him move in with her so quickly - God, she barely knows him! - yet afraid to say "no".

So he moved in with her, and this was the beginning of many times in which she thought she disagreed with some of his requests but didn't dare say "no".

After all, hasn't she dreamt so long about having someone to share her life with? And besides, does it make sense to get into conflicts and arguments rather than just take things as they are?

Living together

... and they lived together in her place like many other couples, getting used to life-routine.

Did she feel lonely within the relationship? Did she enjoy his company? Did she feel she sacrifices herself?
We don't know. Nor do we know if she knew.

For her, finally to be living with someone was a relief. She isn't alone anymore.
 
Or is she?

Communication wasn't great, but still... 

They didn't communicate much. But this is understandable, she told herself, "men don't talk", she repeated in her mind over and over again.

And she didn't talk much either. After all, why talk with someone who doesn't talk? Could it be, she asked herself, could it be that if he doesn't talk it means he prefers it that way, so why should she rock the boat?

So they lived in silence, but together. Well, it wasn't that they didn't talk at all, but they never talked about those things which were part of her life until she met him: art, and books, and museums, and concerts.

"You can't have it all", she told herself, somewhat disappointed, yet glad she is no longer alone, "some things you need to give up", she comforted herself.

Did things change between them when his mother became sick?

... and then his mother became sick. Or so he said, and flew in to be with her, taking a few days off work.

"Why couldn't he ever take a few days off work to travel with me?" she wondered, but didn't dare ask him.

Maybe she will ask later, when he is back. Now is not the time.

... and he was back and she didn't ask. And he didn't say a thing.

... and they continued living together, just as always. Not communicating much. In silence. But somehow together, whatever that means.

... and then he said he has to fly see his mother once again, not even promising that once back in town they will plan a trip together somewhere.

Was this the straw which broke her silence? Did she burst out with her accumulating anger, despair and helplessness? Did she tell him, once and for all, what she thought about him and about their relationship?

Regardless of the above "story" we don't know much about her

We don't know. We can't get into her head.

We can assume that she was afraid to bring up the issues with him; express whatever frustrations she felt; complaining about him not communicating with her, complaining about him never taking her on a trip somewhere. And confronting him, for the first time ever, about his ex-wife: was it he who left or what it his ex who left him?

Was there any reason, besides her fear of abandonment, for not bringing up these issues with him?
Again, we just don't know.

But we can guess.

But before we do, we can switch our attention to him, for a minute (maybe this will help us better guess about her later on):

HE

Could it be that he felt more responsible for his mother than for the relationship he had with his-girlfriend (did he still consider her to be his loved-one?).

Could it be that he has been driven by guilt feelings about not being the "good son" and wanted to compensate for it now, by flying in often to see his sick mother?

Could it also be that he was basically a good man and a good son who adored and loved his mother and would have done whatever she would have asked of him, even at the expense of his relationship?

Could it be that he, just like his girlfriend, has difficulties saying "no" and just couldn't say "no" to his mother who, being a widow for many years, told him she "doesn't have nobody in the world anymore and he must take care of her, especially now that she is sick"?

... or could it be that he wanted to ensure that his mother will include him in her will in addition to her other two daughters, therefore felt he had to "make repeated appearances" in her house now that she was sick?

We don't know.

We don't know much about him either

We might assume that his behavior - flying in to see his mother time and again - has been driven by a combination of all of the above, or, for that matter, by yet another reason we are unaware of:

Could it be that he just didn't love his girlfriend anymore but as a person who was afraid of confrontations just didn't know how to end their relationship and thought that by flying in to see his mother and not take his girlfriend on a trip/vacation she will eventually be the one to end their relationship?

Could it be that he was a manipulator and "used" his mother's sickness to sabotage the relationship?

Could it be that he wasn't that smart, nor so manipulative, just a person who is no good at decision-making and problem-solving, a person - one among many - who does things as they come his way without even taking the time to consider their consequences?

... and could it be that by not communicating with his girlfriend he avoided listening to her feelings about his behavior and their relationship; hence preventing himself from being confronted by her?

... and could it also be - and this might be a devious thought, but possible nonetheless - that not having another place to currently stay in he didn't, by all means, want to rock the boat?

We don't know. We can't get into his head.

We might have wished we knew; it would have been so interesting to be able to get into his mind, as well as into hers; to understand what made them stay together; what actually did they gain by living together.

But we don't have this privilege.

The best we can do is guess

In any case we can guess. We can assume that for him living with her was very comfortable, and being busy with work as well as with his sick mother he just didn't have much energy for "a relationship", so why end it?

And we can assume that for her it was the sense of not being alone; not being abandoned; not having to confront the fear of rejection - all those basic feelings which might have controlled her from an early age. All those basic feelings which she preferred to depress even at the expense of having a "relationship" which made her stop enjoying the cultural and intellectual life she has been accustomed to all the years (after all, "you should accommodate yourself for your partner, don't you"? After all, "isn't a relationship and not being alone more important than everything else"?)

As much as we can assume what went through his head, and as much as we can guess what drove her to think the way she did, these are only assumptions and guesses.

We will never know for sure.

And maybe even they will never know for sure what made them behave the way they did, what made them stick together as long as they did.

Are there more men like him?
Are there more women like her?
Are there more relationships like theirs?
Probably.

Is there anything we can do - for our relationships?

And as for us, the only thing we can do to ensure that our relationships will be different, successful and satisfying, is make sure we are aware of our own behaviors; our own needs and fears; our own "little tricks" by which we might sabotage our relationships.

When we are aware we are able to develop and maintain a healthy, successful intimacy, based on mutual respect, open communication and true love.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Doron_Gil,_Ph.D./742948