Relationships: 9 Things Someone Can Do If They Keep Ending Up With The Wrong Person


If someone has just bought a car, there is a good chance that they would have taken it to a driving test first. This would have given them a chance to find out what it's like and see if it would be a good combination for them.

Along with this, they would most likely have asked a series of questions about the car. After all, this was a great decision, so it's a good thing they did their research and didn't go for any car.

9 Things Someone Can Do If They Keep Ending Up With The Wrong Person


A different approach

However, while someone may be sensible when it comes to what car to buy, this might not be the case when it comes to who to start a relationship with. So, although this is an important area of your life, you can act as if it were not.

If they behave this way when buying a car, they could end up buying a car that is dangerous or only looks good from the outside. Either way, they will have ended up making a bad decision.

The Main thing

What someone like that might find is that as long as someone else looks good, it's enough to take things further. The effect that this person's appearance has on them is going to put them in an altered state of consciousness, with this state taking away their ability to think clearly.

The Halo effect

Thanks to the other person's appearance, they will be seen through pink glasses. If they expressed what is going on inside them, it might sound like this: `They look good, so any other part of them must be good too'.

One then is not going to take a drug that interferes with their ability to think rationally, but it will be as if they were. One will have put the other person on a pedestal, which probably means he will have a long way to go to fall.


SEE ALSO: Reasons Why a Woman Leaves a Man


Two ends

As time goes by, it may become clear that the idea they had of the other person previously had very little basis in reality. At one point in time they would have been in heaven, but at another time they would have been in hell.

If something like this were to happen once, it would be enough, but when this happens regularly, it is going to cause someone to experience a lot of pain. It would not be right, however, to say that this is always what happens when someone continually ends up with the wrong person.

Another scenario

On the contrary, one might find that they have a tendency to be attracted to people who present themselves as strong and capable. At first they will feel as if they are with someone who will treat them well, only to discover that this person ends up becoming a true controller.

When this happens, the other person seems to have possessed all the right traits at first, but ended up becoming another person over time. Because of the number of people they have been with, they may wonder if they have a sign in their head that says 'controlling only people'.

The common denominator

Although someone who ends up with the wrong person all the time may find it difficult to see something positive in all of this, the good news is that it will be the person who keeps showing up. What this means then is that in order to attract a someone that is different, they will have to change.

The area that will most likely need to be changed is your inner world; changing your appearance in some way, for example, is unlikely to be the answer. Just as changing the appearance of a car is unlikely to make it run better, changing its appearance is unlikely to solve what is happening, either.

One Option

If someone is unwilling to see what is going on inside you, and the effect this is having on this area of your life, you might ask your friends to help you. Therefore, when you know someone who you think is a good match, you can ask one of your friends to come and spend some time with him on different occasions.

The problem with this approach is that the other person may act at first, and your friend may not be a good judge of character. On the other hand, if one begins to resolve the wounds that are within them, it will be easier for them to see other people for who they are, rather than projecting so much at them.

Diving in

In addition to this, they will gradually lose the attraction they feel for people who are not good for them. Several of the wounds they will have to treat may be the result of what happened when they were children.

What happened during birth, in the womb, and what was transmitted ancestrally can also play a role in the type of person that attracts them as adults. Dealing with this luggage will not happen overnight, but it will happen as long as they are patient and persistent.

Awareness

If you want to change this area of your life, you may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided by the help of a therapist or healer, for example.

The professor, prolific writer, author and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, is originally from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, companionship, self-love and inner awareness. With over nineteen hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his good advice.


SEE ALSO: Science Explains The Reasons For Infidelity


Article source: https://EzineArticles.com/10050347

Zodiac Signs That Fear Engagement and Wedding


In love it is only enough to choose the person to love, but they require intention

Zodiac Signs That Fear Engagement and Wedding


Commitment is an obligation contracted by a person who engages in something or someone. In relationships often have the idea of responsibility, for the couple, in life with the partner and the survival of both. They are economic and emotional issues in a formal love, whether a courtship or a marriage. In Love Times you get to know the signs of the zodiac that are afraid of commitment.

According to psychologist Mila Cahue, from the Álava Reyes psychology centre, "people want a commitment when they don't touch". Couples are going to live together when they are in the dating phase and she affirms that it should not happen because they are just getting to know each other. Because precisely the courtship has that function: the time to meet the other person," says the expert.

The psychologist says that the main error in which the commitment is raised when the relationship is immature. "First we have to get to know each other and when we know who we are with, with all its virtues and defects, then we can commit ourselves," she said.

Aries

They are stubborn and stubborn by nature and although you can give everything to achieve to be in a relationship, since they live in it often show apathy. They are easily disenchanted and especially occurs by the fear that love reaches another level, commitment. These couples can reach formal relationships the problem occurs while in them.

Cancer

They are extremely romantic to live a very serious relationship, they come to be in a strong and secure love, but the sensitivity shows you doubts like; "do you love me enough?", "we won't last long together". "we're going to ruin what we've already accomplished," and the list goes on.

Zodiac Signs That Fear Engagement and Wedding


Leo

The ego of those born under the sign of Leo leads to many relationships to fail, they are often so attentive to feed their "I", which commonly fear that the couple snatch their free time, money, friends. They do not want to share that which reflects the commitment. It does not cause that effect in all cases but doubts always arise internally.

Libra

They are always looking for new experiences and think of the idea of making a short commitment with the possibility of remaining experienced in future relationships. It is not a question of being an unfaithful couple, but of their fear to stop having new loves even if they meet the standards of a formal relationship.

Sagittarius

The sign of Sagittarius values freedom and independence, something very contradictory to the commitment in the relationship, especially because it reflects the responsibility you acquire to live in a couple or have a formal relationship. Thinking about losing one of the previous two terrifies them, but they can always try.


RELATED: 12 Zodiac Sign Dating Tips

Reasons You Fail To Find a Partner


According to psychologist Pilar Conde, finding a partner is an issue that worries many men and women, between 30 and 55 years old, who come to her office. All people, explains this expert, we have an important need for filiation, emotional contact with the people around us, friends, family, couple.

Reasons You Fail To Find a Partner


Read on: Zodiac Signs Which Are the Most Difficult to Conquer

And those who do not succeed suffer a common state of sadness, isolation, and even depression, associated with an "imposed singleness".

They are people who associate the relationship of couple and the formation of a family with a life project.

If, finally, he or she considers that their sentimental loneliness is due to factors directly related to their own immutable characteristics, such as their physical, personality or intellect, these individuals become vulnerable to depression.

Reasons You Fail To Find a Partner


Then there is the issue of age, the more experience linked to the years, people tend to cheat, are loaded with a backpack of prejudices and immediately see the failures of the other.

In those in their thirties, it often happens that they have tried several times without success. In this band "there are those who are very clear that their life plans are for having a partner and believe that they should have already achieved", and unfailingly think that there is something they are not doing well.

The situation can worsen, according to the psychologist, with a drop and even the loss of self-esteem, which leads to consider those "forcibly single" that things are not going to change or that, at least, they can not do anything to change them.

In this way, they abandon the search for a partner and, therefore, the possibility of finding one.

It's not so much how you access the partner, but how you establish that relationship and on what basis it's consolidated.

It is common for some people to have difficulty finding a partner, but more people lack the tools to manage relationships.

Sometimes it is rather a question of personality and "here we could, with prudence, generalize: narcissists, histrionics, avoiders and people with suspicious traits have more problems to find a stable partner.

Reasons You Fail To Find a Partner


Finding a partner: some advice


For all those who have difficulties in finding a partner, Pilar Conde recommends the following steps:

  • Before finding a partner and starting a serious relationship, feel happy with yourself.
  • Love and accept yourself as you are; focus on improving what is important to you.
  • Respect the life you wanted to have before meeting your partner, your friends, family, leisure, hobbies, expectations.
  • Defend and respect your personal rights, as well as the rights of your partner.
  • The fact that a person decides to be with us does not depend only on what we do or how we are, so that we do not do more than what really defines us.
  • And, above all, don't be afraid that someone won't want to be with you: we can't all like each other.

Reasons You Fail To Find a Partner


"If we want to find someone we have to take actions that lead us towards that goal. So when you meet someone, adjust expectations, especially with time and what it will mean if the relationship does not develop as we wanted.

Conde reiterates that it is very important to have the ability to feel good about yourself, the reality is that we will always be with ourselves and we do not know what life can bring us.

Zodiac Signs Which Are the Most Difficult to Conquer


Whether out of fear of being hurt, past bad experiences, fear of losing their independence, or even apathy in love, many people are reluctant to form a relationship. However, far from it all, the stars give their opinion about all those who flee to love. For astrologers the following signs are the most difficult to "hunt".

For star experts, establishing a relationship with these signs of the zodiac can be a challenge


VIRGO


Being the most perfectionist sign of the zodiac, he expects his relationships to be so and therefore the couple, which is an almost impossible task. Although she says she is looking for the love of her life, she has a hard time relating to others. They are people who pay attention to even the smallest details of all that surround them, and sometimes they criticize others in a hurtful way.

They are too demanding and feel that if they are going to take a risk in love it must be with someone who meets all their expectations. Apart from the fear of being hurt, the fear of being hurt makes you look distant during the first few appointments, which makes the other person feel disappointed.

SCORPION


The duality of their behavior makes the other doubt what they really feel, since on the one hand they are very cold but change to be loving in less than a second. They tend to generate discomfort in their partners, since there are times when they are too interested, while in others they act with complete indifference.

Relationship - Zodiac Signs Which Are the Most Difficult to Conquer


SAGITTARIUS


People born under this sign are the freest of the zodiac, so it is hard for them to be in a relationship because they think they will lose some of their independence. They are also quite pessimistic when it comes to talking about love, because they believe that things will not work without trying. So they will act strangely in the first conflict. However, there are times when you will give yourself to your partner with great confidence and times when impulses will win you over and make love not flow properly.

CAPRICORN


People born under this sign are too cautious, so they have a hard time taking responsibility for what they feel. That's why it often breaks more than one person's heart. This sign is extremely careful with her feelings, she protects herself at all times and does not like to feel vulnerable, so she is rarely open to others.

Relationship - Zodiac Signs Which Are the Most Difficult to Conquer


AQUARIUS


They are one of the coldest in the zodiac, apart from taking great care of their independence, so it will be common for them to close the doors to love if they feel vulnerable or if the freedom they love so much is at risk. She has a hard time concentrating on what she really feels, sometimes acting so proudly that she refuses to accept that she is falling in love. If you see that the other person does not correspond to you as he or she expects you to, do not hesitate to leave him or her.

For star experts, establishing a relationship with these signs of the zodiac can be a challenge.

The following will also be of your interest:


7 Things That Can Kill Your Relationship


The courtship and marriage go through different stages where the most beautiful one is always the one of falling in love, everything is perfect and there are no fights.

7 Things That Can Kill Your Relationship


But it is as time goes by that conflicts begin and everything comes to an end. It is then that the question arises as to what went wrong or why relationships die.

According to Terri Orbuch, a clinical psychologist at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research, when you think that a relationship should be a certain way, but it's not on a day-to-day basis, a great deal of frustration begins to be generated that ends up destroying the couple.

Love involves hard work


When communication begins to fracture, other issues that were less obvious begin to become real problems. Here are some things that can kill any relationship.

1. Criticism. After many years of studies, John Gottman, a psychologist and professor at the University of Washington, points out that although we all have defects, when criticism is repeated, it affects a person's self-esteem, which will make him or her no longer want a partner.

2. Contempt. Gottman says that when a person acts out sarcasm, insults or a bad look at his or her partner, it makes him or her feel useless, even affecting their health; no one wants a relationship like this, which is why divorce is even possible.

3. Defensive attitude. A person presents this behavior in a natural way in life, but within a couple's relationship it usually increases when one of the two parties tries to justify their failures or "slips", if it becomes a persistent theme may indicate the end.

4. Obstruct. Beyond a miscommunication, the psychologist says, there is a moment when a "barrier" rises metaphorically, there is no sign of interest or effort to connect again, and the disappointment of those who still want to continue becomes deep.

5. Not having sex. Family therapist and author of the book "How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free", Tina B. Tessina, explains that intimacy with a partner is essential for keeping them together, although it is often overlooked because of the fatigue of daily activities.

Even if you don't feel playful or resentful, do it. An orgasm makes the mind and body feel good; sex is different after a long time together but you must learn how to make it easy to get there

6. Neglect to take care of yourself. While as time goes by, love becomes deeper and the outside is less important, it is good for the relationship that you continue to seek to attract each other. Putting in a little effort to look the way they like themselves is something that will make a difference.

7. Forget about the details. The everyday signs of affection are those that keep intimacy and romance alive, but many couples forget to show them what wears down the relationship.

RELATED: 10 Reasons Relationships Fail and How to Succeed

Tessina says it doesn't require expensive gifts, a kiss to say thank you when your partner does something for you is more than a nice touch.

The best way to keep relationships from dying is to foster good communication, as well as to remember (and say) to yourself day by day the reasons why you fell in love. People change, but that doesn't have to be a bad factor.

7 Things That Can Kill Your Relationship - When communication begins to fracture, other issues that were less obvious begin to become real problems. Here are some things that can kill any relationship.

Healthy Relationship Program - Set Goals and Transform Your Relationship


Imagine your life without goals. That's right: pretend you just wiped away every single goal imaginable--from the mundane sort like getting out of bed and brushing your teeth to the bigger variety, like making partner at the firm. I bet you can't imagine it. Because without goals (the ones you consciously name and the ones you just carry out), our lives might feel like unstructured, amorphous stretches of time. Setting goals can direct, energize and motivate you. And meeting your goals is a tremendously rewarding experience.

Healthy Relationship Program - Set Goals and Transform Your Relationship


Take a moment to jot down three goals that are important to you--things you want to achieve in your life.

Then think about which aspects of your life are most important to you--what you cherish most in life.

If you're anything like the people I recently surveyed, then your goals include things like: making more money while working less, exercising more and losing weight (and keeping it off) and getting out of debt. Money and health topped the goal-setting list.

Then I asked these same individuals for a different type of list--a list of what they cherish most in life. Almost all discussed their relationship with their spouse or life partner. People and relationships topped the what's-most-important-to-you list.

Relationship Goals are MIA:

Here's what I find remarkable. The people I surveyed didn't have any goals for what they cherish most in life--their relationship or marriage. When it comes to goal-setting, marriage is left at the curb. There's a dangerous assumption lurking that a good relationship will take care of itself. The frequency of failed relationships tells us this assumption is dead wrong.

Your Relationship Roadmap: Create a vision

In order to create relationship goals, it's important to have a vision that details the kind of spouse or partner you aspire to be as well as the type of relationship that is important to you and your partner--this picture should be consistent with your personal values. When your goals are out of sync with your values, you'll find yourself stalled on the road to your relationship destination.

A set of relationship goals is a roadmap that lends direction to your relationship. If your relationship already meets your vision, then working to keep the relationship at this level can be your goal.

An exercise to help you create relationship goals:

Imagine that your partner has been hired to teach a class about you at UCLA. The syllabus is a written testament to the type of spouse or partner you've been throughout the history of your relationship. Not holding anything back, s/he will detail your strengths and weaknesses as a partner. The entire truth (as your partner sees it) will be unfurled for an eager audience motivated to learn all about you.

What do you imagine s/he will say about you?

Respond to this question as honestly as possible. If you find yourself resisting this exercise or focusing more on what you'd like your partner to say, you won't establish any meaningful goals. Remember, this exercise is designed to help you take a realistic look at yourself as a partner, a necessary step in creating goals that will make a difference in your relationship or marriage. You will need to open yourself up to some truths that may sting. Take my word--it will be well worth it.

There's relationship gold to be found in the gap:

There will be a gap between what you'd like your partner to convey in his/her lecture and what s/he would actually say. This gap contains valuable information that you'll use to set up relationship goals. Keep in mind that establishing and reaching relationship goals means committing to changing your behavior. The focus should be on you and not what you believe your partner should do differently.

The guiding question is: How wide is this gap and what can you do to narrow it?

When you begin to take steps to answer this question, you start accumulating the information you need to create your relationship goals. Don't rush this--it should be a process that you come back to over and over again.


Ready to discover more about relationship goal-setting and other practical ways to transform your relationship?



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Richard_Nicastro,_Ph.D./113835

Relationship Goal-Setting: It Isn't Sexy, But It Works


When you think of goal setting, it's not a sexy topic. At first blush, you might not think about goals and your relationship at the same time. However, unless you give attention to your relationship, it will stay the same. We just love that quote defining insanity:

Relationship Goal-Setting: It Isn't Sexy, But It Works


"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."

So ask yourself: Has your relationship been "stuck?" Are you going insane? Maybe it's time for you and your partner to start creating some relationship goals.

For example, if you are dating casually, you may have a goal to advance the relationship to exclusivity. If you are in an exclusive relationship, you may have a goal to get engaged, get married or move in together. If you are happily married, you may have a goal to build an extraordinary relationship. If you are unhappily married, you may have a goal of reviving your relationship.

Individual Goals vs. Joint Goals Made Simple

There are two categories of relationship goals:

(1) Individual goals about the relationship, and

(2) Joint goals about the relationship.

Here is an example of each. "I want to become a better listener" is an individual goal. "We will add more play and fun to our relationship by making an extra date night on Wednesdays" is a joint goal. Here's the difference: with the joint relationship goals, both partners must agree to them and participate in them.

Our Goals Setting Process Made Simple


  1. On our own, we write or revise our own individual goals. These individual goals include personal goals and individual relationship goals. These do not need to be agreed upon, and sharing is optional.
  2. Next, we individually write some ideas for joint relationship goals.
  3. We share our joint relationship goals with each other and begin the process of crafting mutually agreeable joint goals. When we both come up with a similar goal, it's easy to meld our individual versions into a common goal. When they don't meld, we discuss them. Some become joint goals, and some get pitched.


For example, Lewis' proposed goal of a scuba diving vacation got nixed when he discovered Diane is not a fan of the underwater world. However, Diane's proposal for working together on a flower garden was happily adopted by Lewis. We never try to coerce each other into adopting a joint goal that we are not both excited about.

Things Not To Forget

We make our goals comprehensive, covering all aspects of our relationship: home, family, work, leisure and finances. We ask two questions that help us create our joint goals:

(1) What do we value in our relationship, and
(2) What do we want to improve in our relationship?

We write down our goals. Why? The kinetic energy of hand writing goals seems to help with the manifestation process. Our goals, whether joint or individual, become clearer and easier to understand when written. Most importantly, we can refer back to our written goals to see how we are doing. This helps us stay committed.

Think Big, Plan Small

We think BIG about our goals so that they excite us. For example, a set of financial goals might include: be debt-free, obtain a vacation home and retire at age 62. However, once we agree on the big goal, we plan the small steps necessary to achieve those goals. These small action steps are things we can achieve in the current year. We love feeling successful and we always celebrate our little wins. We make sure our celebrations are ridiculously fun!

Benefits of Goal Setting

First: We connect to each other as we dream about our future together.

Second: We discover where our dreams are not in alignment and decide how to deal with that without judging or arguing

Third: We create action steps that will ensure our success as a couple.

"Hold an image of the life you want, and that image will become fact" -- Dr. Vincent Norman Peale

The Fun of Sharing Our Individual Goals with Each Other

Although our individual goals don't necessarily have anything to do with our relationship, we can choose to share these with each other. This helps us understand what is important to each other. Intimacy is instantly created. Furthermore, we find ways to help and support each other accomplish our goals. For example, Lewis has a goal to walk 20 minutes each day and Diane has a goal to do two Toastmaster speeches a month. We support each other by scheduling daily walks together during which Diane practices her speeches.

Using a Coach

When you have a coach, you do what you say you're going to do. Why? Because you know that your coach is going to ask you if you followed through. We like to call it "healthy pressure."

Throughout history, kings, presidents, rulers, athletes and actors have used coaches. Today, coaches are used in many areas of life, including relationships.

There is no lack of information about coaching. Suffice it to say that we have used a fabulous coach and now offer relationship coaching to others.

S.M.A.R.T. Goals

Here it is--an oldie but goodie--like business goals, relationship goals should be S.M.A.R.T.: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely. The more your goals embody these five characteristics, the more likely you are to achieve them.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Diane_Denbaum/598836