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So you are wondering how to find love again after a breakup. Don't worry, I will show you that finding love again is easier than what you might have thought.


How to Find Love Again After a Breakup or Divorce


How to find love again after divorce or a breakup


Tip #1. Accept that your past relationship is over

There is a psychological principle behind this. The recovery process won't happen until you accept your losses. This principle applies to all type of losses.

Let's suppose that you invest some money on stock market. For a whole year, whenever you check your shares you see that their prices are going down. You feel bad and you think that you should have invested your money somewhere else.

You feel bad about your losses on the stock market. One day you see that the stock market is crashed and you lost all of your money you invested. Tell me what you would do in this situation.

You may feel bad for a while, but thereafter you will try to find other ways to invest and raise your money.

The same thing happens when you invest yourself into a wrong relationship. You give the best of what you can to the relationship to make it survive, but it doesn't survive and you finally face a painful breakup.

At this stage, if you accept the break up then finding love again won't be too much difficult for you. However, if you don't get yourself out from the denial stage and keep yourself daydreaming about the old beautiful days then the possibility to find love again will be very little for you.

So the key point to be remembered is to accept your losses.

Tip #2. Don't repeat the same mistake

Painful memories become fade as time passes by. You don't remember the pain you are feeling right now after five years.

To make it happen, you need to do one thing which is not to repeat the same mistake you did in your past relationship.

Every failure teaches us a new lesson. We gain experience from our failures. But only wise people take advantage of their failures and they learn lessons from them.

When they start again they don't repeat the same mistakes which lead them to the failures. And then they become successful.

When it comes to learn how to find love again after a breakup, you need to do the same thing. Don't repeat the mistakes which made your relationship to suffer a lot. Learn from your mistakes.

Don't choose someone as your partner just because she looks good or he has fame. Choosing a relationship partner based on any single factor can be a huge mistake.


RELATED: Why Am I Still Single



Tip #3. Don't become an owl

Some bad experiences change our thoughts about a certain thing. I hope that it won't happen to you.

Some women claim that all men are dogs. As I know a lot about psychology, I find that their claims are based on what they experienced and it is not what is true.

I find that those women are attracted to jerks (because of some unknown reasons); later they become victim of infidelity. Therefore, they adopt a wrong concept that all men are dogs.

An owl sleeps all day therefore it isn't able to see the sun. This makes it believes that the sun doesn't exist. I hope that you would not think like an owl.

If you found a wrong partner in the past then it doesn't mean that there are no good men or women on the earth.

It only means you haven't managed to attract someone good from the opposite sex yet. There are lots of good partner out there who are waiting for someone as good as you are.



RELATED: He'll Look at You Differently If You Do This



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Alex_J._Stevenson/899924

How to Find Love Again After a Breakup or Divorce - Understand The Psychology


Have you ever felt frustrated that you seem to get hopelessly "head over heels" for unavailable men, yet find yourself hopelessly impervious to the advances of nice guys who are genuinely available and ready for a serious relationship? Would you like to change this pattern so you can finally start enjoying a great relationship and quit wasting time with men who play hot-and-cold with your emotions? Keep reading to see how the science of psychology can come to your rescue!



Don't Feel Chemistry With Nice Guys? Here's How to Change That!


In a classic study of social psychology, Dutton and Aron conducted an intriguing study in which a female experimenter stood at the end of two different bridges, and asked random men who crossed the bridge to tell a short story as part of a psychology experiment. The first bridge was a safe, sturdy bridge ten feet over a calm rivulet- we'll call that one the "safe bridge" for our purposes here. The second bridge was rickety, scary bridge that traversed a 230-foot drop to rocks and rapids- we'll keep it simple and call that one the "scary bridge" here. What the researchers found was that the men who crossed the scary bridge were more likely to use sexual or romantic imagery in their stories. These men who crossed the scary bridge were also more likely to rate the female experimenter as attractive, even though it was actually the same woman at the end of both bridges.

Why did the men crossing the scary bridge tell more sexual or romantic stories and rate the female experimenter as more attractive than the men who crossed the safe bridge? Results suggest that these men misattributed their arousal symptoms (such as increased heart rate or sweaty palms) that arose from crossing a highly stimulating, albeit somewhat scary bridge to romantic or sexual attraction for the woman.

This study may explain a phenomenon I've seen in my practice. Many of my female clients complain that they don't feel chemistry with nice guys; yet find themselves drawn to men who are unpredictable and keep them guessing (I also occasionally see this in my male clients). If you experience this in your own dating life, you will want to learn how to see good guys as more exciting and the not-so-good guys as less so. Keep reading for tips on how to do this!

Make a List

Your first step will be to make a list of Scary Bridge behaviors. Scary Bridge behaviors are behaviors that are undesirable in a dating partner, and which therefore may result in considerable worry or irritation for you. Unfortunately, this worry or irritation can often be misattributed as attraction for the man who is provoking the worry or irritation. That is why it's important to identify these behaviors so you can recognize them as they occur. Your list may include the following:
  • Showing up late to a date (even if for a good reason- any type of lateness can increase anticipation, which increases physiological arousal)
  • Canceling a date at the last minute (again, even if for a good reason- the point here isn't to evaluate his reasons, just to notice the effect of the behavior on your physiological arousal)
  • Suggesting a date but failing to make clear plans with you or keeping you guessing about exactly when/where the date will occur
  • Telling you he isn't sure if he's ready for a relationship

It's important not to get stuck in trying to evaluate whether his reasons are "good" or not for the behaviors above. To your body, it makes no difference- if there are sudden changes or periods of uncertainty, your level of physiological arousal can get heightened. We all have occasional last-minute emergencies, but if you're dating someone who seems to have an endless array of issues (sick mother, emergency meeting, been hurt in the past, the list goes on... and on... and on... ), consider that his unavailability could actually be creating drama that ironically actually makes him more tantalizing.






In addition to your Scary Bridge list, you will also want to make a list of Safe Bridge behaviors. These are behaviors which you may have previously seen as sappy or boring, but which are often found in good guys. Your list of Safe Bridge behaviors may include the following:

  • Showing up to a first date with flowers
  • Offering to pick you up or see you home
  • Arriving on time for dates
  • Ending a date with plans to see you again
  • Making it clear that he is smitten with you (nice but cheesy text messages, nervous laughter, sweaty palms, finding himself tongue-tied in an awkward silence, nervous about first kiss, etc) 

Reading this, you may be thinking that you do like it when a guy does some of the Safe Bridge things above, yet you still find yourself attracted to unavailable men. But consider the context of those behaviors. If you find yourself attracted to men who do Safe Bridge behaviors inconsistently, these behaviors may excite you mainly due to their rarity. Intermittent reinforcement is actually the most excitement provoking- this is why casinos set slot machines to give rewards in a randomly ordered manner where the user never knows what to expect, and keeps chasing the rewards. Don't let intermittent reinforcement create a misleading sense of excitement that keeps you trapped in a holding pattern with a Mr Wrong who plays hot-and-cold with your emotions or your schedule.

Re-Slot Behaviors 

After making your list of Scary Bridge and Safe Bridge behaviors, you will next want to change the way you see these behaviors. While you may find Scary Bridge behaviors to be exciting or signs that a man must be "hard to get" or "just so busy and successful" or "really cool and not rushing things", you will want to re-slot these behaviors as flaky, non-assertive, and undesirable. The goal is to get to the point where you can roll your eyes at these behaviors rather than getting tantalized by them.

You will also want to re-slot Safe Bridge Behaviors. Below are some ideas on how to see nice guys as more exciting:

  • Think about how thrilling it would be to get engaged or to plan a wedding. How can the cheap excitement that flaky guys provide compare to the thrill of being in a deep relationship that leads to marriage?
  • Do something a little scary with your date, such as going to a horror movie. Should you misattribute your fear as attraction for your date in this context, it would be a positive thing!
  • Come up with a sexual fantasy to imagine while on a date with Mr Nice Guy. If you need help coming up with ideas, you might try searching online for erotica or porn till you find something that really excites you- it should feel naughty, forbidden, or whatever it takes to get your heart racing. When you go on a date with a nice guy who might feel so safe that he's a little boring, call the fantasy material mind while you focus your gaze on your date. This will help arouse your body and make you more open to advances from Mr Nice Guy. 

If you are able to successfully re-slot Safe and Scary Bridge behaviors, this could go a long way towards reducing frustration in your dating life. I have seen my clients apply the principles in this article to great success.


RELATED: Why Am I Still Single



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Dr_Chloe_Carmichael/2188814

Don't Feel Chemistry With Nice Guys? Here's How to Change That!


When the book, The Rules, by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, first came out in 1995, it became an instant worldwide hit. Women everywhere were drawn to the concept of having a set of 'rules' to help them navigate the early stages of their romantic relationships.

How To Set Boundaries In A New Relationship



Although I don't necessarily agree with the 'rules' themselves, the idea of having a set of personal parameters of what you will and won't accept when you're dating, is a concept I can get behind.

Boundaries are a set of rules we create to let people know how we would like to be treated. They also determine how other people's actions and words affect us and how our own behaviour and words can affect others.

Being crystal clear about how you want to be treated is so important when entering into any new relationship. Setting up the understanding of what you prefer gives the other person the opportunity to figure out if they can meet your expectations, or not.

Once the relationship is established your desire for closeness should be met with closeness. If your new partner only ever wants to hook up on a Friday night after they've already been out, but having an actual conversation with them is like pulling teeth, then it's probably a good sign that they don't want the same thing as you.

If this is happening, and you find yourself making excuses for them, then you need to be honest with yourself and ask why you're putting up with that sort of behaviour.

Being flexible is important. Allowing room for mistakes is okay, but when their pattern of behaviour feels like you have to constantly adjust something within yourself, then it's time to make a decision about what you really want.

A friend of mine recently met a guy through an online dating site. They had a good connection and started emailing each other on a regular basis. One day he sent her an email and called her by a different name. At first she corrected him and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

The second time it happened, well let's just say, he ran smack bang into her boundary!

Whether you or I would have given him a second chance is not important, because boundaries are unique to each person. What my friend knew was that she was also talking to more than one person, and it could have been an honest oversight. By the second time, she felt it was a sign he wasn't putting in much effort, and that definitely didn't bode well for a long and happy future together.

Here are my top three boundary-setting guidelines:

Mildly annoying behaviours vs. deal breakers

Like it or not, people aren't perfect. There's going to be behaviours that annoy you from time to time.

That's totally normal. But there are behaviours that you'll want to (and should) draw a line at. Having a good understanding of what the difference is for you can help you decide when to be flexible, and when to call it a day.

When the tables are turned

How do you react when someone says 'no' to you? How do you go with someone else's boundary?

Can you handle hearing a 'no' without trying to push your own agenda or sulk? To be clear, I'm talking about the everyday 'nos' as opposed to outright rejection. Both people need to able to hear 'no' without taking it personally, and adapt accordingly. If for whatever reason you can't accept their boundary, then it's probably time to call it a day.

Getting your own needs met

Do you find it difficult to tell people what you need or want from them or the situation? Sometimes it is just easier to keep quiet and go along with things, but if you can't or won't set boundaries, people will start to treat you like a doormat. People ultimately respect and admire those who can set clear boundaries and express them with confidence from the outset.

Ultimately, when we understand what it is that we like, or don't like, we can communicate that in a way that's respectful to ourselves, and others. Whether or not the other person chooses to accept our boundary is entirely out of our control.

RELATED: Does The Fear Of Rejection Cause Some Men To Please Women



https://wholeheartrelationships.com/ - Visit Whole heart Relationship now and take the relationship quiz today!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Julia_Nowland/2428821

How To Set Boundaries In A New Relationship


Do you feel like you need to look a certain way in order to attract the right man for you - or get more attention from your current man?


He'll Look at You Differently If You Do This



You may believe that most men - especially the good looking and successful ones - only want women who look like runway models and don't want to settle for a woman who is considered average looking.

And you're so not alone. Millions of women think they don't fit their country's beauty standards.

As a woman who used to only see her flaws in the mirror, I say I hear and feel you darling.

And I'm also here to give you the good news: It's not true.

However here is what's true: If you deep down believe that you are not pretty enough, thin enough, tall enough, you'll often end up attracting people who would think the same about you.

You really don't need to be so hard and critical on the way you look anymore in order to have a man to love the way you look.

Here is what helped me and can turn things around for you too:

Celebrate what's unique about you

Although it's okay to notice that another woman is very beautiful, comparing yourself to her is like expecting two flowers to look the same. A Lily and a Rose look so different, yet they are both so lovely in their own way. It's ridiculous to expect them to look the same for them to be considered as beautiful.

Also don't forget that someone might find a rose much more desirable than a Lily, while another feels the opposite.

When you truly embrace this and start viewing things this way, you begin to exude self-love and acceptance of a high confidence woman.

And as a result, the right man who are loving and appreciative of your unique beauty will take notice.

I certainly am not a size 2 and don't fit into society standard of beauty, yet I frequently have high quality men notice me; and I never get tired of hearing my fiancé telling me how beautiful he thinks I am.

You have heard it often enough that confidence is key, and it's so true. A woman whom in her core feels confident, talks, walks, and carries herself differently. There's just something alluring about her, even if she doesn't have the perfect nose, and her arms and thighs aren't toned.

To men there is something so magnetic about a woman who simply does not care about what a man or anyone thinks about how she looks. And she draws the attention of men like bees to honey.

So from now on, start celebrating and appreciating what's unique about you. Is it your eyes? Your hair? Your nails? Focus on your favorite features, be thankful for them, and smile in confidence that there is only one of you. And your man will love and adore every part of you, if you fully embrace your unique beautiful self.



RELATED: 50 Things Guys Wish Girls Knew



Be sure to visit my website http://www.shahrzadcoaching.com to download my free guide: Stop Feeling Invisible and Be the Center of His Life. It will give you 6 effective and quick steps to make him turn around and look at you differently.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Shahrzad_Parandeh/2425071

He'll Look at You Differently If You Do This


When it comes to how men behave around women, there are two types of behaviour that are often spoken about. On one side, there is the man who acts as though he doesn't care and, on the other, there is the man who cares too much.

Does The Fear Of Rejection Cause Some Men To Please Women



Two Sides

There is then a spectrum, and a man can be on one side of it or he can be on the other side. If he doesn't have the need to please women, he could be called a 'bad boy', but if he does have the need to please them, he could be called a 'nice guy'.

It would be easy to believe that the 'nice guys' have more success in their dating life, but this is rarely the case. As even though a 'bad boy' won't treat women with respect, he is more likely to get his needs met.

A Big Difference

This is someone who will generally be able to fulfil his sexual needs, as well as other needs. In general, the kind of women who he attracts (and is attracted to) may have a lot of issues, but that might not cause him too much concern.

After all, it's not as if he is going to have everything together; he might be only interested in keeping a woman around for a short time. Once he has got what he wanted, he could move on to the next one, or to another woman that he already has on the go.

A Victim

Due to how this man treats a woman, it would be easy to say that he is taking advantage of them. Yet, as the women who he ends up with are typically going to have their own issues, it is not this black and white.

If anything, it would be more accurate to say that these women are allowing themselves to end up with someone who is not right for them. Still, a woman might find it hard to believe how this is the case.

Self-knowledge

It would then be necessary for her to look into what is taking place within her, and to see why she is drawn to a certain type of man. What she can do is to reflect on what took place during her early years.

Through doing this, she may find that how she feels around men reminds her of how she felt when she was younger. This may have been a time when she was abused and/or neglected by her caregiver/s.

Another Scenario

When it comes to a 'nice guy', this is someone who is likely to find it extremely difficult to fulfil his sexual needs. In fact, he will probably find it hard to get most of his needs met when it comes to women.

This is not to say that his relationships with other men or people in general with be any different though. His need to please will then have taken over his whole life and it is then going to be a challenge for him to feel empowered and fulfilled.

Needless

It might not matter if he has known a woman for a few minutes or a few years, as he will have one focus. There is the chance that he will be very good at knowing what it is that she needs.

But even if he doesn't, it is not going to stop him; he might just ask her what it is that she wants. Based on how he behaves, he could appear to be a selfless human being, and it might then seem as though he doesn't have needs.

Two Outcomes

Through behaving in this way, he is likely to find that woman often see him as nothing more than a friend. He is rarely going to trigger attraction in a woman, and it is then going to be normal for them to respond in this way.

If he does go further than this, he is likely to end up with a woman who will walk all over him. It is highly unlikely that she will respect him, and he might just be seen as someone who she can use.

Self-Neglect

When a man lives his life in this way, it can show that he is ignoring his own needs in the hope that it will allow him to fulfil them indirectly. There might be moments when this works, but this is going to the exception as opposed to the rule.

At a deeper level, he might fear that if he was to go about getting his needs met in a direct manner it would cause him to be rejected. Pleasing others and trying to get his needs met indirectly is then a way to stop this from taking place.

A Deeper Look

One way of looking at this would be to say that rejection is part of life, and that he needs to come to terms with this. Another approach would be to look into why his life is being controlled by this fear.

If he was to look into what is underneath this fear, he may find that he feels completely worthless. Being rejected will not only be seen as something that will cause other people to see how flawed he is and to abandon him, it will also cause him to be overwhelmed by toxic shame.

The Reason

What this can show is that he was abused and/or neglected when he was younger, and this is why he is carrying so much pain. This would have caused him to create certain beliefs and he would have experienced trauma.

It is then not just going to be as simple as changing what is taking place in his head; it will also be necessary for him to deal with what is taking place in his body. What this also emphasises is how painful it is to experience toxic shame, and that it takes a lot of courage to face it.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change his life, it might be a good idea for him to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.


RELATED: How to Show Love - Giving to Those That Which You Wish to Receive



Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand four hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include 'A Dialogue With The Heart' and 'Communication Made Easy'.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Oliver_JR_Cooper/818466

Does The Fear Of Rejection Cause Some Men To Please Women


"Why am I still single?" It's a question I hear a lot in my practice. As a clinical psychologist in New York City, I work with many successful clients - while they're really good at getting things done in their professional lives, their dating life is either nonexistent or chaotic.

Why Am I Still Single?



If you're anything like my clients, you may at times feel frustrated because while you believe you've done all the right things to find the right person, you don't understand why it isn't happening. If you feel like you hit a wall when it comes to dating when you're otherwise confident and successful, see if what's holding you back is one of these top reasons that I find my clients often struggle with.

1. Your idea of being open to dating someone different means they have a different favorite color.

OK, I'm being a little facetious here, but I do see a lot of clients who rule out potential matches over things that are actually really minor in the context of lifelong partnership - whether because of a height that's less than ideal, political views that don't match perfectly, or even a grasp of the hottest nightclubs. Remember that in a partnership, the way you manage the areas where you differ is actually very important. Try to boil down a short list of your absolute essentials in dating (aim for 3 to 4 qualities, such as "kind-hearted, wants marriage/kids, successful, physically fit") and then do your best to let the other things fade into the background so that chemistry has a chance to develop.

2. You come across as critical without even realizing it.

Some of my clients have a way of presenting themselves that makes them look and sound critical: They squint their eyes and use a dismissive tone of voice, or they don't make a lot of eye contact, smile, or demonstrate a lot of interest or excitement in the world around them. The interesting part is that when asked if something is wrong, these types of people seem genuinely surprised. They aren't depressed - this is just their normal way of presenting themselves.

Why do they do this? There are all kinds of reasons why someone could come to present themselves in a way that others experience as closed off. Maybe they're insecure and take on a dismissive air because they're afraid of being rejected, for example.

Because I'm meeting them as a psychologist rather than a potential friend or date, I am undeterred by all this - even if they give me terse answers or quizzical "umm's," I continue to show interest in them, try to engage them, and draw them out. Usually, this is all it takes - after five to ten minutes of me being super-nice and reassuring, they come out of their shell and actually turn out to be really sweet people. However, I'm not surprised when they complain that their dating life is stalled and that they can't seem to attract a positive and enthusiastic partner.

I'm not saying that people should be false and pretend to be the Happiest Person Ever on dates, but it's important to let your date see you in your best light. Start by making sure you arrive in clean clothing in flattering colors, styled hair, and wearing a little makeup. Then once there, smile and say something positive about the setting or the weather. Don't put yourself or your date down, even in jest, and remember: First dates aren't the time to open up about your abusive boss, mounting credit card bills, or your psycho roommate. One more how-to on letting date see you in your best light: Before the date, scan a newspaper so you can talk about current events like art exhibits, local news, or whatever piques your interest. This gives you a way to share yourself in a way that is confident and relatable; and it can prime the conversation pump so you and your date can have fun getting to know one another!

Human beings have something called mirror neurons - whatever emotion you're displaying, your date's mirror neurons will actually respond as if he is feeling your emotions. So if you're focused on negative things, your date's mirror neurons could give him a negative feeling, resulting in a closed or withdrawn facial expression. This, in turn, causes your mirror neurons to give you a negative feeling back about him. The good news is that by focusing on positive things, the mirror neuron circle will work in a positive way for both of you. And you will actually be doing yourself a favor if you give the date a chance to succeed by deliberately projecting an open, positive attitude.

3. You run your dating life like a boardroom.

Many of my female clients are very successful at work, and they are accustomed to getting what they want in their professional lives. What they want in their personal lives often includes a man who is at least as successful as they are, taller than they are, and who will pursue them. But it's sometimes difficult for these women to actually let the man take the lead like they say they want him to do. Just to make it clear, I'm not telling these women that they need to let a man pursue them; these women are telling me that they're frustrated by men who don't pursue them.

So what's the problem? While they like the idea in theory of letting a man pursue them, they get very frustrated if he doesn't pursue them on their timeline and in the manner of their preference. They have "talks" with men who they don't feel are "doing enough" - much like they'd have a chat with an underperforming employee.

But you cannot dictate pursuit. You cannot complain to someone that he isn't pursuing you. If you do, then he's only pursuing because you told him to, in which case he is following your directions - which is almost the opposite of pursuit.

If you want to call the shots, fine with me - I'm not here to judge, I'm here to help clients get (almost) whatever they want! But if you want him to lead, you can't tell him how to do it. This doesn't mean you have to sit around waiting, though. If he isn't pursuing you the way you want, date others who will! But don't tell him to pursue you and then feel surprised when you're both sensing the awkward tension that will inevitably arise.

Telling a man to pursue you is like telling him how to lead. By doing so, you are actually leading - and depriving yourself of what you're really craving.

4. You over-invest in a man who hasn't even asked you to be in a relationship.

The reason many women have trouble just distancing themselves from a man who isn't pursuing them is because they've over-invested themselves in the relationship before the man has earned the investment. They've quit dating other people simply because their "favorite" is requesting a lot of dates.

What they don't think about is that just going on five or six really fun dates where each time you go a little further physically is totally enticing to men, but it doesn't mean anything in terms of the man's interest or ability to make a commitment. It can get even more confusing if the man has been saying things like, "I see myself getting married and settling down sometime in the next few years." The women sometimes misinterpret this as having a talk about his goals and interests pertaining to them specifically.

Like it or not, women have a biological tendency to become commitment-oriented sooner than men when they start having great sex (oxytocin - we've all heard about it!). So if you're having great sex and the man mentions the future, perhaps even invites you to a friend's wedding or to meet his parents when they visit him next month, your heart can quickly go in limbo.

My advice: If you meet someone special, consider taking things really s-l-o-w. Don't quit dating other people till he asks you, and if he doesn't ask you, take that as information about either a) his interest in you, b) his interest in commitment, or c) his ability to pursue and go after what he wants. A man must demonstrate ALL of the above if you're looking for a committed relationship with someone who pursues you. This is what 99% of my female dating clients specifically tell me they want (a man who will pursue them), and if that's you too, these tips may help you.

5. You haven't let go of your ex.

Are you in a pattern of being "just friends" with someone you recently broke up with? If so, the texts, phone calls, and get-togethers could be holding you back from giving yourself wholeheartedly to single life and moving forward. If this is you, it's time to leave the past behind. Instead of letting someone with whom a relationship hasn't worked take up all your mental space, why not let go and direct your focus toward the possibility of a new relationship that will potentially be even better that the last?

6. You're afraid.

Fear is a sneaky thing that could be sabotaging your love life without you even realizing. Dating requires vulnerability, and putting yourself out there without quite knowing what you'll get in return can be scary. If you haven't had the rosiest of endings in your past relationships, you could be looking at potential dates or new relationships from a fearful lens - whether the fear is being rejected or falling for the wrong person again.

Fears like these aren't uncommon, but if left unexplored, they can eventually evolve into a reason to consciously or subconsciously avoid dating altogether. If you've caught yourself wondering whether you should even bother giving someone a chance because it probably won't work out anyway, fear could be holding you back.

If you know deep down that the fear is actually more about your own difficulty becoming vulnerable, then encourage yourself to open up slowly - chances are, your fear of intimacy is running alongside a fear of being alone, so give yourself a chance to try something new. And if you know you have a pattern of choosing people who are unavailable, unreliable, or otherwise hurtful, then your fear is actually serving as a helpful reminder to you that you need to get support in choosing healthy dates. Support can come in many forms, such as self-help books, good friends, family, or therapy. One of the most effective treatments for overcoming anxiety and fear is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), specifically, so speak with a mental health professional about it. You owe it to yourself to give love a chance this Valentine's Day - and beyond!

RELATED: How To Manifest The Right Relationship



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Dr_Chloe_Carmichael/2188814

Why Am I Still Single


By keeping the romance alive in a relationship, you can ensure that your relationship passes the test of time and sees through even the most troublesome situations. Valentine's Day is the day to celebrate romance, but true romance lasts all through the year!

Ways To Keep The Romance Alive



Let's now run through some ways which would work towards making you feel that you just started the relationship afresh!

1. BE APPRECIATIVE - EVERY SINGLE DAY!

From the break of dawn right to the twilight, innumerable opportunities to express ourselves come across our ways - why not make it a point to make the most of them?

Some nonverbal cues would express your love for your partner. Or you could go ahead with the combination of a wink, kiss and a smile!

2. A SURPRISE IN STORE!

When you do something special for your partner, it would make his/her day! A fine idea in this regard is leaving a note on the fridge or the shower.

You could go for a sexy voicemail! You could send a card to work.

Consider breakfast in bed or flowers. Maybe a singing telegram to work!

3. SOME EXTRA TIME FOR TOGETHERNESS

When a relationship is young, there is some anxiety about your relationship with your new partner and some excitement as well. This takes the top priority in your life.

As the urgency leaves, we develop a sense of monotony and some complacency sets in. We tend to slip into our comfort zone.

So it becomes more difficult to find time for your partner, especially as one could be busy with his work, one might be taking care of his family or one could be feeling exhausted.

But a relationship is like a plant. It needs to be nurtured with love and figuring out some time together is essentially important!

So why not go ahead and make sure that you schedule some time, just for the both of you, every week! You may choose to check out a new movie or dine out. Maybe spend more time making a conversation or cook together. You could lie together on the couch - just focus on making each other a priority.

4. PLAN A DREAM GETAWAY TOGETHER!

Choose to find time to run through some brochures or websites which offer a dream getaway in your vicinity. You may plan to visit in the future!

5. TAKE TURNS TO PLAN YOUR DATES

If one partner does all the planning and organizing, one might over time feel that the other partner is not enjoying it all that much!

6. BREAK THE MONOTONY

The monotony which sets in with the passage of time could add a shade of dullness in your relationship. But there are ways to overcome this monotony.

When you start doing new things together, it releases oxytocin, a feel good hormone in the brain. So why not plan trip together, or every once in a while, you could take a day off to be with one another.

7. GO FOR STUFF WHICH IS OUT OF THE ORDINARY

Be inventive and set the imagination running. Stare at the moon, for instance? Maybe throw a themed party?

8. HALF AN HOUR OF CONVERSATION AS A RULE

Making conversation is just about one of the best ways to form a connection which is deep and meaningful. There are a thousand things about you that your partner wouldn't know. Discuss your favorite things, and also dreams and passions.


RELATED: It's Easy, Not Cheesy to Be Romantic in Your Relationship



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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Harshad_Jethra/1848126

Ways To Keep The Romance Alive


Marriage and family life are the biggest inventions by humanity, for its social life; which put humanity at a higher pedestal, compared to other species. In democracy, people follow their leaders, who are more often than not, slave to sensual desires. Success in relationships demands: tolerance of others' views, accepting feminism, and striking a balance between personal ambitions and family life.

The Relationship Panorama: Macho Males, Feminism, Divorces, And Personal Ambitions


A joke, I never laughed at

1. As a child, I read a joke - a satire on Occidental culture:

* A better-half calls her husband - both divorced earlier: "Come quickly. Your children, and my children are beating our children."

* Now-a-days, Oriental people are equally successful, and follow such stories in their lives.

Godly relations and man-made relations

2. It was a celebrity couple. Both were career conscious; thus they had to stay away from each other, quite often. The outcome -

divorce! The relationship takes a backseat; personal ambitions take priority.

* She was an adventurous lady, who joined an expedition to the highest lake in the world. Unfortunately, there was a landslide due to heavy rains, and she was among dead.

* Only her daughter went there! Godly relations stay permanent. They can't and will never desert each other.

Divorces all around!

3. Another celebrity couple, were divorced due to: ego clashes and excessive drinking by the husband. The wife looked after two daughters, who were equally successful in the glamorous world. The daughters are close to the mother, and the father is isolated in the family. One daughter is already divorced. Second daughter has married a divorced person.

* In the past, divorced persons were a minuscule minority in Oriental countries.

Male macho

4. In Oriental societies, family planning implies: invariably, wife's tubectomy is done during delivery. The husbands always think: vasectomy will affect his manhood, and avoid it.

* In case of a divorce, the courts normally favour the custody of children to the mother. The husband, after divorce can be a father again, if vasectomy is not done.

* In case the spouse dies, the husband - if without vasectomy - can become a father, when he marries again. Thus in Oriental countries, tubectomy is more popular, and vasectomy is avoided.

Relationship middle


Our stalwarts

In India, a 90 years old, successful politician - ex-Governor, and ex-Chief Minister - had to undergo a DNA test, as a youngster claimed to be his son out of an adulterous relationship, and proved it successfully.

* We know: couple of Presidents, a potential President of a developed nation, a Prime Minister, a Governor and a top professional player, who couldn't control their sensual desires. Some of them survived politically. as in their societies perjury is an offence, but illicit relationship between consenting individuals is not. But they lost the harmony in their lives, and the spouse in most of the cases.

Lessons we can learn

* Don't be a slave to sensual desires, and indulge in adultery, for harmony in the family life.

* Develop ' tolerance', and avoid ego clashes with your spouse.

* Feminism is there to stay. If you are a macho male, please see the writing on the wall.

* Optimise personal ambitions and warmth in relationships in your life. We need both in a home.

* A divorce seldom solves a problem.


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Charanjit_Singh_Arora/1394102

The Relationship Panorama: Macho Males, Feminism, Divorces, And Personal Ambitions