11 Characteristic Symptoms of Emotional Codependency

A phenomenon that can be confused with kindness and affection, but is harmful to the relationship.

Emotional codependency is a very harmful symptom for relationships, because when one's happiness depends on other people, one stops being who one really is and is unable to express one's true self. Emotional codependency, like emotional dependency, is synonymous with toxic relationships.

That's why it's good to know how to manage this phenomenon wherever it occurs; after all, our well-being is at stake.

Difference between emotional codependency and emotional dependence

Many individuals think that emotional dependence and emotional codependency are synonymous. But is it really so? Nothing could be further from the truth. Emotional dependence and emotional codependency, while related, are different concepts.

A dependent person is one who, because of dysfunctional personality characteristics, depends on another person to make him or her happy, and uses that person to fill the void in his or her life. He is unable to turn back even though his situation is conflictive and has no future. Emotional dependence occurs in one partner, but the other does not have to be dependent. Dependent individuals manipulate their partner to benefit from their low autonomy, lack of empowerment and low self-esteem.

However, emotional codependency occurs when one partner is "addicted" to his or her partner's dependency and therefore to the need to help and care for his or her well-being.

Codependency is not an altruistic behavior

The codependent person is a kind of quieter controller and manipulator, who spends all his time trying to get what he thinks his partner needs. In this attempt to protect the other, he ceases to be himself.

His intention may seem altruistic, but in reality it is not. Codependent relationships are not healthy relationships and have a negative effect on the happiness of the person who is codependent and the partner, but they also affect his work, his health and even other interpersonal relationships.

Symptoms of this type of dependency in the couple

Emotional codependency is a relational style that needs to be corrected, and it is a way of thinking in which the person has the belief that he or she must sacrifice his or her well-being for others, regardless of the consequences.

Codependent people present a series of characteristics or signs that must be detected for the good progress of the relationship. They are the following:

1. Feel responsible for the couple's feelings

Co-dependent people spend all their energy to meet their partner's needs and are constantly making sacrifices in their relationship. Although it is not wrong to make some acts of love for your partner and help them when they are having a hard time, there must always be a balance.

Although the partner of the codependent person may be dependent and have low self-esteem, the codependent person does everything possible for the partner, leaving aside his or her own needs.

2. They let themselves be carried away by the emotional rather than the rational part

In reality, codependent people do not have the capacity to solve their lover's problems, but they let themselves be carried away more by the emotional than by the rational part. They have a deficit in their interpersonal relationships, for example, in terms of assertiveness; and in spite of sacrificing their well-being for the other, they do not achieve their purpose because they are not mentally strong people.

3. Feel used and victimized when things don't go well

Because their behavior is not altruistic, co-dependent people often feel used and unappreciated for everything they do for their partner. The codependent will use a great deal of energy to take charge of another's life, all under the guise of altruism and wanting to help in a sincere way. When help or advice is ignored or not appreciated, the codependent feels angry and mistreated.

Thus, it is common to resort to emotional blackmail, as a desperate attempt to keep the bonds that hold the relationship together. Unfortunately, this strategy not only causes discomfort in the other person; it also achieves the opposite effect to that intended, since it is clear that it is a form of manipulation, often even when one agrees to do what the other person wants and it seems that in the short term this strategy has had an effect.

4. They have unclear limits

These types of individuals take everything personally, since the limits of emotional codependency are unclear. Boundaries are a kind of imaginary line between partners, where each knows how far to go to avoid hurting the other.

This makes sense, for example, for intimate relationships or belonging, but also for feelings, thoughts and needs. In this sense, they have unclear boundaries. On the one hand they give everything for their partner, but on the other hand they blame them and throw everything in their face at the slightest change.

5. They are controlling

Co-dependent people use manipulation or blame to control the behavior of others. These tactics may be unconscious, but in the end the emptiness and need to feel useful makes you a controlling person, constantly seeking to offer help even when the other person does not need it. Therefore he does not actually offer real help, but seeks to satisfy his own needs through this seemingly altruistic behaviour.

6. They are obsessive

Co-dependent individuals spend too much time thinking about other people and how they will be. This is all caused by their dependence, their anxiety and their fears. They may also become obsessed when they think they have made or might have made a mistake, because they value themselves negatively and do not tolerate frustration.

Thus, one of the central elements of these people's state of mind is anticipatory anxiety.

7. They have low self-esteem

Being assessed negatively is frequent in this type of individuals. One of the main causes of this phenomenon is that they have low self-esteem. They are people who are not only codependent but also dependent on the situation and fear rejection, as they do not feel comfortable with themselves.

8. Poor social skills

They are also people who do not usually have highly developed social skills and therefore channel much of their energy into a single individual. Helping others is positive, but in this context of social skills deficit, providing help becomes a great dependency that aims to feel valued and appreciated.

9. Denying reality

These are people who tend to deny reality, especially when faced with problems of the couple and the relationship. Although they are very concerned about helping their lover and pay a lot of attention to him or her, they have a poor problem-solving capacity.

10. They get caught up in a toxic relationship

Due to low self-esteem, these individuals are often trapped in an unsatisfactory and toxic relationship, even though they are aware that it does not benefit them. Codependent people spend too much time trying to change their partner, because in reality they are the ones who have a problem to change.

RELATED: 5 Tips for Getting Out of a Toxic Relationship

11. They are not emotionally intelligent

These individuals lie to themselves and apologize for the misbehavior of others. Because they avoid their own feelings and have poor self-awareness and reflection skills, they develop techniques to lie to themselves about the behavior of others.

They do not know themselves, nor do they regulate their emotions or have good communication skills. In short, they are not emotionally intelligent.

RELATED: How To Know if You are codependent On Your Partner

These Are the 7 Biggest Mistakes We Make On a First Date

It's time for a nice date night again! Maybe it's been a while since you last dated. Whether you are a serious dater or you are sitting in front of someone else every week, a date will never be 100% flawless. Especially a first date won't. But... Preparation is half the job.

1. Fashionably late on your date

It always seems very tempting to arrive a few minutes later on your date. You're probably already nervous and then every minute you just have to wait at a table is nerve wrecking. What if the other person doesn't show up? But be honest, how often do a few minutes later end in half an hour? Exactly. If you wait for half an hour, your date will suffer the same torment as you.

Conclusion: fashionably late is out of date. Being on time, the new one arrives too late. If you can't make it in time, please send us a message. Nothing is as annoying as having to wait a long time for a (first) date.

2. Drunk on a date

A glass of alcohol is more than welcome, but looking too deeply into the glass is not done during a date. A little giggling flirting after a few glasses of wine is of course no harm. Nobody is waiting for a date that you have to bring home. Give your date the chance to get to know the sober you.

You know yourself the best of everyone, including your own limits. Try to map these out in advance. This way you won't regret your statements and your (out of control) actions afterwards.

Alternative options: instead of drinking alcohol, you can of course fill in a date differently. How about a coffee date? Or a visit to a museum or a breath of fresh air in the woods? There are original data ideas in abundance!

3. Not being dressed on the date occasion

A beach date on a hot summer day without swimwear, that's not what you're looking for. Bowling in a skirt? Or arrive in your casual outfit while you have date tickets for the Carnegie Hall. Not being dressed for the occasion can be a bit embarrassing. And especially annoying for you! Ask before the date what and where you are going to date. That saves a lot of stress. So you can fully focus on him or her, instead of your 'not so appropriate' outfit!

4. Showing too much interest in the future

A first date is always exciting. It's good to show interest in his or her life and plans for the future, but try to keep it casual. Whether he or she wants to get married and favorite baby names are more second or third date topics. These kinds of intimate subjects will probably deter your date. If your date starts with intimate subjects, you can, if you like, join in...

5. Dating with you and your phone

Of course it's nice to inform your girlfriends about your date during a toilet visit. But being taped to your phone all the time is an unwise turn off. You just started dating to get to know each other better and not to show how quickly you can answer apps. Turn your phone on so you don't get any incoming notifications and check your phone in moderation. If your date is great, you probably won't think about your phone for a second.

6. Talking about your ex

Telling each other about embarrassing data stories can be very funny. An hour of talking about your ex and his shortcomings? That doesn't make anyone happy. Your date probably doesn't know your ex and won't know how to react. Keep the past in the past and focus on the fun date in front of you!

7. Can't control your nerves

Being nervous about a date is the most normal thing in the world, but not being able to listen to what your date has to say because you are intensely nervous is not nice.

Try to remember that your date is probably a bit nervous too. Take a few deep breaths before you get on your date and then try to get rid of the nerves. You have nothing to lose. You have both chosen to schedule this date. Put on a nice smile and relax!

Read also: What to Do on the First Date? 9 Tips to Make your Date Great

5 Tips for Getting Out of a Toxic Relationship

Why is it so difficult to get out of a toxic relationship?

Toxic relationships affect the health and self-esteem of the members of the relationship, cause unhappiness and dissatisfaction, and despite the suffering they cause it is very difficult to get out of them. Why does this happen? To answer this question, it is essential to understand that there are two types of relationships, healthy win-win relationships and toxic relationships that are lose-lose relationships. Evidently there are no win-win relationships: all relationships have some healthy and some toxic. However, there are relationships that are trapped in the lose-lose type of pole, and they are what we call toxic relationships. The big problem that exists in the type of toxic relationships and why it is so difficult to get out, has to do with a confusion in which both in the relationship experience this lose-lose as a lose-win. In other words, part of the problem of a toxic relationship is that neither can see nor experience that neither makes a profit. Instead of being able to see and experience that both lose by manipulation, disqualification, hurtful comments, deprivation of freedom to the other, one believes and lives as if only one loses, the weak side (the victim), and the other wins (the strong).

The Toxic Relationship and the Unresolved Problems of Each in the Couple

It is very revealing that in the toxic relationships under analysis, we find that both have lived an experience in the past (even in their childhood) related to the subject that makes them suffer today. Thus, for example, a woman, Ana, who currently suffers from the manipulative and controlling attitudes of her partner in the relationship, is likely to have suffered in childhood due to a similar or equivalent subject; perhaps precisely that, to have had an overprotective and controlling father or mother who, in her experience, deprived her of her freedom. This constitutes a challenge that she will have to assimilate in the future, and this challenge has to do with being able to put a deadline to this experience of loss or suffering that she lived in the past. Now, we have heard it said that there are risks in families of repeating patterns. Precisely with this: it is possible to affirm that there is a tendency to find in adult life that which made us suffer in the past and which we precisely wanted to bury in the past, to the extent that it continues to be an unresolved problem.

In other words, the fact that we find ourselves in this situation in adult life is a symptom that it continues to be a problem that we have not solved adequately, and the relationship confronts us and forces us to attend to it in the present. And the complicated part of the matter is that it is something reciprocal, that is to say that both present this tendency. Thus, for example, it is likely that Ana's controlling partner, Juan, has suffered perhaps from abandonment in his childhood (or some other comparable situation), and the fear of being abandoned pushes him to want to control his partner today.

As we can see, the insecurities or unresolved problems of each affect the insecurities of the other. On the one hand, Anna, in seeking freedom and acting with a certain fear that the other will take away her freedom, may have behaviors of seeking to be more independent than usual, and may also be more susceptible than usual to actions that suggest controlling her life. This search for independence is likely to be difficult for Juan to assimilate, and he tends to take it as a threat of abandonment, and his reaction is probably to want to have more control over it, in order to avoid feeling this estrangement (which he is not able to feel as something other than a threat). And this attempt to control John, in turn, will take Anne further in asserting her independence and detachment, affecting John again. This generates a dynamic that can escalate indefinitely, making the environment in the relationship highly toxic and endangering the relationship itself.

Thus, then, we can affirm that there are many ways in which a relationship can become harmful, and they all have to do with an inability of both in the relationship to adequately assimilate unresolved individual problems from their own past. This means that we are all exposed to our relationship becoming toxic or harmful, as long as we do not face the challenges that arise when it comes to relating.

Example in which a relationship can become toxic or harmful

Think of a woman who in her childhood suffered from abandonment by her father, and has the challenge of assimilating that a person who has not given importance to being trustworthy (her father, while he abandoned the family) hurt her and therefore made her lose something. To assimilate this, has to do with being able to make the loss (that which was lost) not forever, that is to say to be able to recover what was lost. In that sense, if the abandonment made him feel worth less because his own father did not want to be by his side, then assimilating it has to do with recovering that self-worth; with not allowing it to be something that has been lost for life. To understand this process of assimilation we can think of the image of healing a wound, so that we do not walk through life with an open wound.

However, however difficult it may seem to believe, we do not always make the decision to assimilate this problem, and we make decisions, unconsciously or involuntarily, that cause us to live with unresolved problems. For example, this woman who suffered from child abandonment may tend as an adult to end relationships when she "believes" that the relationship has conflicts, or fears that her partner may leave. This, far from being a defense mechanism, is a way of deciding to live with the fear that the other is going to leave, and this fear has to do, necessarily, with a feeling that one is worth less, that one does not have what is necessary for the other to stay with us. And it is not a defense mechanism simply because it is not defending us from anything, in fact it is harming us because it allows us to continue with the feeling and experience that we are worth less (instead of being uncomfortable and ashamed with this, it gives us the illusion that we are protecting ourselves).

Another consequence of abandonment may be a tendency to cheat or be unfaithful in relationships. However, what the deceiving man or woman does not see is that by being a deceiver he or she is downplaying the importance of trust, being trustworthy or being trustworthy. In some way, it is an action that is directly connected with what this man or woman suffered as children, because the person who abandoned them and made them suffer because they were unreliable and not there. Somehow, the unfaithful person who suffered abandonment does with their partners exactly what they did to him or her as children: not to be trusted without caring that the other suffers. It could be said that this follows in the footsteps of the father who abandoned him, and places him in the position of someone who gains something from the one who makes him suffer. And the big problem with this is that by doing this, by placing the person who made us suffer and lose something important as a successful, winning person, at the same time we are placing ourselves and resigning ourselves in the position of the loser. It is a way of resigning ourselves to the loss that we suffer as children to something that we will not be able to recover. That we can never stop being worth less, and the only thing we can do is the same thing they did to us, trying to make the other suffer and feel less, like me. Evidently it is a sad story, and it does not apply only to the suffering of abandonment or actions of infidelity but to a broad aspect of human suffering, and yet it is more everyday than we think.

Reasons why it's not easy to get out of a toxic relationship

If you're in a toxic relationship, you've probably realized it's not easy to get out. It's important that you work hard at it and don't lose confidence that it's possible. Reasons why it's not easy to get out of a relationship include the following:

1. A toxic relationship is difficult to leave, mainly because of how good it makes you feel, despite the damage you suffer and the damage you are aware of, the guilt and the fact that friends and family tell you that it doesn't suit you. First of all you have to keep in mind that you live in a state of confusion, in which, despite being aware that your partner is hurting you and that the relationship does not suit you, at the same time something makes you feel "very good", as if you needed or depended on the relationship to have calm and stability. The reality behind this has to do with fears, insecurities, low self-esteem, manipulations, blackmail and an inability of both to see the dimensions of the problem.
2. We think that with time the problems will disappear, but the truth is that letting time run will not fix things. It is necessary to act soon and find what is needed to get out of the relationship. You have to keep in mind that if there are such serious conflicts in the relationship it is because neither of you is being able to address the challenges that arise in the relationship (which are something like unresolved individual problems from the past mishandled). Believing that over time these problems will go away is like thinking that continuing to ignore these challenges will solve the problem.
3. We believe we can change our partner, but the truth is that you will never be able to change the toxic person you are with. In fact, making someone else change in order to be well is a way of blocking your path, and making it impossible to get out of the relationship. This possibility necessarily depends on you.

Read also: 11 Characteristic Symptoms of Emotional Codependency

How to get out of a toxic relationship?

• Try to stay away from the toxic person. Don't miss out on opportunities to get away from the toxic person for a while. This can help you lose the routine and habit of seeing this person and can give you space to perceive things differently.
• Take advantage of this time to learn more about yourself. Do things for yourself, discover things you used to do before being in this relationship, look for new friends or old friends to this relationship.
• Make lose the power that the toxic person has over you.
• Ask yourself convenient questions:

- Do I really deserve to be in this toxic relationship?

- Do I really want to live like this? Can I imagine every day of my life in this relationship?

- Would my life be better without this relationship?

- Why am I attracted to this type of relationship?

- How can I regain control of my life?

Read also: 9 Things Someone Can Do If They Keep Ending Up With The Wrong Person

1) Stop self-deception

The first step to getting out of a toxic relationship is to recognize that you're in one. Be open to the perceptions and opinions of friends and family. While they may not necessarily be accurate, it's important that you just keep them in mind and don't close yourself to the people who are important to you. Ask yourself questions about how you feel after seeing this person, if it makes you feel weak or encourages you. When you're not with the person, ask yourself if you want to see them, or if you feel that something bad is going to happen if you don't see them, or if you feel compelled to. Ask yourself if you are afraid before or after spending time together, or if you feel intimidated, disappointed, or hurt by things he or she says or does to you.

2) You are not the only one to blame for the relationship not working

The most important step in getting rid of a toxic relationship is to realize that despite what your partner tells you, you are not the only one to blame or responsible for things not going well in the relationship.

3) Know the antidote to the toxicity of the relationship

If we do not adequately address the challenges that arise in relating as a couple, our relationship can become toxic. These challenges have to do with unresolved problems that each one drags from their own past, and that come to the surface in an important relationship due to trust, intimacy and closeness. We call toxic the consequences of mishandling these unresolved problems, so the antidote has to do first with identifying what this unresolved problem is that our relationship confronts us with. This means that, regardless of whether or not to continue with the relationship, it is necessary to address these unresolved problems. In fact, breaking off a relationship is no guarantee that the problem will end there. Well, there are risks that you may re-enter another toxic relationship in the future. That doesn't mean you have to stay in the relationship either. When a couple does a lot of damage it's very difficult to solve the problems, and rarely are they able to find the strength to do it. So it is good to break up and distance yourself from the toxic relationship.

4) Identify the toxic behaviors of one as well as the other

It is very likely that you have already identified the toxic behaviors in your relationship, only that you see them with innocent eyes and find ways to justify them. Identifying toxic behaviors is about learning to see how to relate to each other from a different perspective. When you say, "deep down she's a good person, I'll help her figure out how to act," or "she's jealous of me because she loves me," or even "she's hitting me because she's been through a lot," these are all toxic behaviors to avoid.

5) Say no to fear, you deserve better

It is important that you realize that you can live without this person. The main reason why we stay in toxic relationships too long has to do, most of the time, with the fear of not being able to find someone better. This causes us to endure many things that we should not tolerate. A man who was abandoned as a child by his father, for example, may allow his partner's attitudes and actions that harm him, for fear that his partner will abandon him.

Women Who Quickly Forget Their Ex According to Their Zodiac Signs

These women zodiac signs when they decide to take someone out of their life, they get it, forgetting quickly their ex is not impossible mission for them.

The past stepped on, no doubt that expression is very clear to these women of the zodiac who quickly forget their ex, know that at the end of a relationship, the time has come to become insensitive.

To return their heart of stone is what these women of the zodiac propose themselves that they quickly forget their ex, nothing to go begging to them, they suffer one or two days no more, they know what they are worth and they do not allow themselves to be humiliated by love.

The women of the zodiac who quickly forget their ex, are wounded of the heart, but that is what gives them the strength to rise from the fall and continue forward.

They know that the end of a love relationship is not the end of the world, so they leave the bad in the past and only keep the good memories, but do not let it affect them.

This is the list of women zodiac signs who quickly forget their ex, if you're within it is because you have a very high self-esteem and do not have time to lament for someone who did not want you by his side.

Aries

You are a very proud woman, your own pride does not allow you to walk lamenting through the corridors as if from soul to soul you were, put your welfare first, to end with your ex you know it is time to turn the page.

Capricorn

You warn yourself before the end of the relationship, because you do not like to move so fast precisely not to suffer such a heavy fall, you do not fully express your feelings, but yes, you might think of revenge.

Virgo

You return your cold heart if you forget your ex is concerned, do not let anyone see you with a broken heart, even if you still love him, you will find a way to discard those feelings, look for someone to fill that gap immediately.

Libra

When you finish with your ex, a few days later you forget it and when you get to mention who he is, you take care of forgetting even the name, contempt is your greatest weapon and you will know how to continue with your life.

Women who quickly forget their exes, become hurtful, cold or even close to love for a good period of time, but yes, you will never see them crying or begging the one who made them cry and has decided to lose them.

Read also: How are You in a Relationship Based On Your Zodiac Sign

10 Ways to Impress Your Man and Attract Him

The game of seduction has long ceased to be exclusive to men. Today, women can take the first step to fall in love with that ideal person. To make no mistake, Love Times tells you how to conquer a man in 10 steps.

1. Be yourself

Pretending is a bad start, don't try to be who you're not. Men like real women. Poses don't last long, your essence always lasts.

2. Love yourself

Security is the best weapon of seduction. It is well said that if you do not trust yourself, no one will be able to do it.

3. Take care of your appearance

It is not necessary to have the body of a model or to look like a doll to conquer it. Try to always look good, cute, neat and flirty. Don't forget that the best thing is to have your own style. Choose clothes that favor your silhouette and highlight your attributes.

4. Keep the mystery

Even if your task is to conquer it, that doesn't mean that you give it everything on a silver platter. Play with him and make it a little difficult for him to get to know you fully. If you make it easy for him, he'll lose interest.

5. Don't harass him

Give him his space; don't exaggerate with messages, calls, details, etc., this will only make him want to escape from you.

6. Be funny

Good humor is a great weapon of seduction. Laughter is one of the best ways to get complicity with another person. He'll want to be with you just for the fun of it.

7. Forget your ex

If you're meeting someone, forget about the past and enjoy the present. There's nothing more uncomfortable than talking about the people you've been with.

8. Don't talk too much

telling him about your life and your tastes shouldn't be a monologue; you'll bore him for sure. Give her space to express herself and be interested at all times. Let him know that you can have different types of conversations, but above all that you know how to listen.

Related: What to Do on the First Date? 9 Tips to Make your Date Great

9. Surprise him

Details always make someone feel special. You can prepare a romantic dinner or just take it somewhere fun for them to have a good time.

10. All in good time

Seducing him won't be easy, but don't get overwhelmed and enjoy it. Be patient and don't rush. Things should flow by themselves.

You follow these simple tips to conquer that special man, but remember that this is only a guide, the most important thing is to have attitude and, of course, to be unique and authentic. Good luck!

Undoubtedly, by doing these nine tips you will be able to attract anyone's attention. Remember that the secret lies in your safety, confidence and level of self-esteem.

Men Who Love to Get Women's Attention According To Their Zodiac Sign

That the look of the women is on these personalities is their objective, they make hundreds of maneuvers to be their center of attention.

To be in love and to call the attention of the women are things that the men under these zodiac signs are given to the perfection, they love to feel attracted by the opposite sex, reason why also they do until the impossible thing to catch their glance.

The need to get women's attention is so strong for these zodiac men who are looking for what to do to stay in the eye of the hurricane, they love to be a girl's points of interest.

All zodiacal signs are governed by a different personality, so the men born under Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Sagittarius, are zodiac men who love to attract the attention of women.

Taurus

He enjoys being noticed by women, he feels important and better than anyone when he has the glances of the girls on him, he talks about their efforts, work and projects so that they are interested in their great qualities of which he is sure he possesses.

Leo

If it's a matter of generating noise to be seen again by women, Leo is an expert in these situations, he dramatizes and exaggerates things to keep the reflector on him, nobody beats him to invent fantastic stories in which of course he is the protagonist.

Scorpio

He even talks about his little stars acquired in preschool in order to have conversation themes and impress women, he loves to be the center of attention and that they love their crazy or fantasy stories, whatever it is to conquer a girl.

Sagittarius

The adventures of this free spirit are already known to all his friends and flirting, but they work to be the center of attention and keep those around him entertained, to call the attention of the woman or women he likes will even juggle.

Read Also: What is Keeping You Away From People According to Your Zodiac Sign

For these signs of the zodiac that we have mentioned, it does not generate any conflict to them to be under the look of all, on the contrary, they feel great flattery the one that they manage to monopolize the looks, reason why surely you will never get bored with a man under the zodiacal signs of above, they will have thousand anecdotes to tell you.

Do You Always Choose the Same Type of Partner?

A study by the University of Toronto confirms that we are looking for partners with the same personality type.

Sometimes it happens that in the face of a separation we swear not to repeat "the same mistake". Look for someone who is very different, perhaps the opposite of what bothered us: if stingy, someone more generous; if bad-tempered, someone happy. But do we succeed? Do opposites also have something in common?

According to a study recently published in the scientific journal PNAS and carried out by researchers at the University of Toronto, we tend to look for couples with similar personalities.

Does that answer a strategic (unconscious) question? The report's lead author, Yoobin Park, makes the following hypothesis: "In every relationship, people learn strategies for working with their partner's personality. If your new partner's personality resembles that of your former partner, transferring the skills you learned could be an effective way to start a new relationship.

Always the same stone

We usually stumble upon the same stone in matters of love. If at first we get our hopes up thinking that "this time it's different", "we have transcended the hateful personality of an ex", and we see everything rosy... life is in charge of showing us a crude reality: there are fundamental affective choices that don't change.

There are types of bonds that are repeated, for example, the typical union between an obsessive (someone excessively formal, with closed thoughts and a schematic way of organizing life) and another that always yields. Or the union between an introverted person, who finds it difficult to go out into the world, with a hyper sociable, outgoing and friendly couple. Maybe the behaviors of the other (that work as a balance, "what I don't have"), what I love at first, ends up annoying me. And although I refuse to want what I did wrong, I fall into the same trap, because deep down "I always like extroverts".

Read Also: 9 Things Someone Can Do If They Keep Ending Up With The Wrong Person

Conclusions of the study

For the study, scientists Park and MacDonald compared the personalities of current and former partners of 332 people using data collected by couples. Their main finding was the existence of significant consistency in the personalities of a person's romantic choices.

The data was collected in Germany for nine years and was based on statements such as: I am usually modest and reserved; I get excited easily and can motivate others easily; I tend to be the strong, silent type; I am extroverted; I am relaxed and don't worry about stress; I am intellectual and like to contemplate things; I appreciate artistic and aesthetic impressions.

Based on the findings, Park suggests that websites and dating applications might do a better job of finding potential partners. These services usually combine individuals using criteria such as education, alcohol and tobacco use habits, income, hobbies, and activities.

"These websites and applications may want to incorporate information about former partners into their algorithms in the same way that music applications use previous listening preferences to predict what else a listener might enjoy," he says.

What to Do on the First Date? 9 Tips to Make your Date Great

In order not to miss this key moment of the conquest, know what women expect from you in the first meeting.

You asked that cat out and, to your joy, she said yes. Very well. But don't think that the worst is over: you have to prepare yourself for the first date. And then, my friend, the real challenge begins.

Not by chance, the first meeting is a unique moment, which will define the next steps from then on. It can end with the promise of seeing each other again, not seeing each other again or, hopefully, on a night of casual sex. It all depends on playing the right cards.

But we know that preparing for a first meeting, no matter how many you have had, is not the simplest of tasks. After all, every girl is different, and you have to take that into account.

Luckily, some of the "rules" of the first meeting are universal. And, if they are followed, they can help you gain several positive points with the cat.

Do you want to know what they are? We've separated 9 tips on what to do in the first date so you don't miss.

#1 - LEAVE THE SLOPPINESS AT HOME AND GO TIDY.

Getting dressed up for a date is half the battle. Before leaving the house to find the cat, take a good bath and don't forget to pass the deodorant. You can even consider using a perfume if the occasion permits, but be careful not to exaggerate the dose. When choosing your clothes, give preference to simplicity and practicality. But don't even think about flip-flops, showing up in shorts or showing off that flowery printed shirt you bought on your last vacation.

#2 - OFFER TO PICK IT UP OR LEAVE IT AT HOME

For practicality and even security, it is very common for women to prefer to go out on their own - after all, if she finds you a suitcase, she can leave alone. But it doesn't cost you anything to offer to pick her up. At the end of the meeting, offering to take her home is also a good idea, especially if you've done well and still don't want to say goodbye. But if you still don't have a car to call your own, that's okay: there's nothing rude about taking a taxi together or suggesting walking if the place is nearby.

#3 - CHOOSE A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN TALK

It may not look like it, but choosing the ideal place for the first date is more difficult than it looks. This is because it is necessary to take into account your personal tastes and those of the person who will meet you. At this time, the tip not to make a mistake is to keep in mind somewhere where the two of you can talk quietly. Cinema or bar with live music? Cross off the list. Ideally, the first meeting should take place in a cafeteria, a park or a restaurant. These places, besides being more reserved and ideal for a good chat, have a pleasant climate for flirting.

#4 - ARE YOU GOING TO DRINK/DINNER? OFFER TO PAY THE BILL

Don't worry about thinking it's your job to pay the bill every time. In these new times, many women prefer to split their dinner or bar bills without any problems. However, it is still recommended that you at least offer to pay the bill, especially if the invitation to the meeting came from you. After all, it is not at all pleasant to receive an invitation to a not at all humble dinner in the most popular restaurant in town and have to split the bill, right? But if even after you offer to pay, she still insists on contributing, respect her wishes.

#5 - BE POLITE, KNOW HOW TO TALK

You can bet nothing takes away a girl's animation for a first date more than a man who doesn't know how to talk properly. Or worse, he's rude and has a vocabulary limited to swearing and slang. So when you sit down to talk, show respect and good manners. Know the right time to speak and when to listen. And, most importantly, don't interrupt what you're saying to her because you remembered something similar that happened to you in third grade, okay?

READ ALSO: Don't Feel Chemistry With Nice Guys? Here's How to Change That!

#6 - TRY HARD TO HAVE GOOD SUBJECTS

It is also of no use to have all the vocabulary in the world at your disposal if your subject is uninteresting and makes you sleepy. Here, the advice is almost a trick: before the meeting, try to get to know her personal tastes and put together a list of possible subjects to be discussed. If your tastes are similar, everything will go quite naturally. Otherwise, it may be worth "studying" first to know what to say on the spot. The important thing is not to leave uncomfortable moments of silence on the table.

#7 - AVOID TALKING ABOUT YOUR EX-GIRLFRIENDS

Women simply HOLD when you talk about any of your exes, especially during your first meeting, obviously. The simple tip is: don't even think about your ex when you're with another girl right in front of you, interested in you. Any comparison, comment, insinuation whatsoever, even if it is to speak ill of your ex or how "crazy" she was, doesn't do well at all and leaves an unpleasant atmosphere in the conversation.

#8 - EVERYTHING HAS TIME: DON'T BE INCONVENIENT

Talk go, talk come... you are more intimate now and ready for a more physical approach. But with limits. Don't be so inconvenient as to try to kiss her, run your hand over her body or make disrespectful comments. You may even be totally open to sex, but she may not be on the same vibe as you. Respect her time, treat her lovingly, hold her hand, and if she is comfortable with your gestures, a kiss goodbye is almost certain.

#9 - WHEN YOU GET HOME OR THE NEXT DAY, SEND A MESSAGE

Everything went well and you want to talk about how much you enjoyed her company and ask when you will see each other again? Sending a sincere message thanking her for the evening when you get home or, without fail, the next day is the best way to demonstrate this. On the other hand, if the night didn't go the way you expected it to and you think it's best if they don't meet again, just suddenly disappearing and leaving you waiting for some feedback is not at all gentle. Be honest. Send a message explaining the decision and make it clear that it is not your intention to hurt her. She'll understand.