Finding the 'love of your life' does not mean that you are completely ready to get married.
Finding the right person among so many others is undoubtedly a gift. Therefore, when two people decide to get together to spend the rest of their lives together and share good (and bad) experiences, the celebration is usually giant.
But although marriage is an important step in the lives of many grown men, we must consider some obstacles along the way before saying "will you marry me?" First of all, you have to keep in mind that not everything will be a dream. In fact, this is the perfect time for you to have your feet firmly on the ground and see things as they truly are. After all, when it comes to marriage, what you don't know can turn into a disaster.
"If a person does not deal with an issue before marriage, they will have to deal with it when they are married," says Robert Scuka, chief executive officer of the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement, a spousal counseling organization.
To prevent possible problems from massacring the relationship, check out some questions below that can help you reflect on the marriage and save you from future friction and embarrassment with your partner.
1. WHY DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED?
This is undoubtedly the most important question you should ask yourself. What is the real reason that led you to make this decision? If you cannot find a good answer to this question, it is best to rethink your attitude.
2. IS MARRIAGE A WAY OUT OF TROUBLE?
Have you just come out of a crisis and decided to get married? Be careful, because if the relationship is not good, it will not be a marriage that will save the relationship.
3. HOW DO WE SOLVE OUR FIGHTS TODAY (AND HOW WILL WE SOLVE THEM WHEN WE GET MARRIED?)
If you have a habit of talking about the problems that arise in life as a couple, this may be a good sign that you are both mature enough to withstand the responsibilities that only a marriage requires. Now, if you're one of those couples who solves problems by shouting or hanging up the phone in each other's face, friend, you'd better forget about getting married.
4. ARE WE FRIENDS ABOVE ALL ELSE?
A healthy relationship is not going anywhere if you are not friends. If your partner isn't the first person you think about getting off your chest or telling when something legal happens in your life, try to work on your intimacy before anything else. Couples who are just "lovers," hardly have a life out of bed (did you?).
5. ARE WE GOING TO DO A TEST-DRIVE?
You definitely only know the person until you move in with them. Routine problems, such as disorganization and financial debts, can lead to a marriage going down the drain in no time. So, before you make the decision to get married, try to take a test and spend some time together.
6. DO WE WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN?
Before marriage, it is important that the couple discuss openly and honestly whether they want to have children or not, and how they will deal with this decision. How many children do they want? What will be the role of each one? What space will the child occupy in the financial balance of the house? All these questions need to be discussed to keep the relationship (and the accounts) balanced from now on.
7. HOW OFTEN DO WE FIGHT?
Fights are normal in any relationship, but if an argument happens at least twice a week, has it ever crossed your mind that this situation can get even worse when they get married?
8. HAVE WE ENJOYED LIFE ENOUGH?
Marriage is not an obstacle to anything, but have you ever stopped to think that you might have to give up some particular desires to satisfy your partner? If you feel you need to do some (or many) things before you get married, this may not yet be the perfect time to apply.
SEE ALSO: Why a Married Man Falls in Love With another Woman
9. HAVE WE FINISHED ONE OR MORE TIMES?
The truth hurts, but one thing is fact: when things are good, the tendency is to improve - and the same goes for the bad. If you've already broken up several times, and the relationship has already turned into a joke, don't marry, seriously. It will only bring more problems to your life.
10. ARE WE PREPARED TO DEAL WITH DEBTS?
Before you marry, it is important to open your financial life to the other, counting mainly the debts. If there is a big difference between the monthly income of each one, this also needs to be put on the agenda. Making a financial plan is the best way to keep the accounts in days, make a reserve of money and, of course, avoid future discussions and unfair collections.
11. HOUSE EXPENSES: HOW DOES IT LOOK?
It is important that couples are on the same wavelength when it comes to financial expenses and investments. You need to share goals and objectives, such as deciding to buy a house or make a financial investment, buy a car, or plan a trip. First of all, set limits and rules, having a healthy balance in this matter.
12. IS SEX SO IMPORTANT?
Sex is important, but not everything. After the wedding, it is very likely that it will remain in the background, since both will be tired of the routine. Therefore, keeping an open dialogue about sexual routine is the way to satisfy everyone, without generating frustration or repressed desires.
13. DO WE LIKE OUR FAMILIES?
Not having a healthy relationship with the partner's parents (and vice versa) can seriously threaten the long-term health of the relationship. If this is the case with you, try to strengthen family ties first of all. Family is the most precious asset we have, and for this reason it is so important to maintain a good relationship with it.
14. AM I WILLING TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH SOMEONE?
Marriage can be the fulfillment of a desire, but it can also mean that you have to give up others. Planning a life for two is a lot different than doing it in practice, so if you're jealous of your things or even want to have a few more experiences on your own, it's better not to even think about marriage per hour.
15. HOW DO I SEE US IN 10 YEARS?
Having and keeping this answer in your mind can help you see the health of your relationship. If you can visualize your life as a couple for a long time, it will be much easier to go through conflicts and difficulties. If you don't have that long-term vision, it's best to rethink the union.